


The course of true love never did run smooth

by Rosesnfeathers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosesnfeathers/pseuds/Rosesnfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He lets them talk to look around the room while eating his roasted chicken and to his own despair, he meets Liam’s eyes across the room from where he sits with Niall and their friend Sophia. She talks to Liam but it looks like he is not listening, he is looking straight at Zayn and even in the distance, he can see the coldness in those brown eyes. Zayn lowers his eyes then and concentrates on his food, his chicken being a lot less judgmental than Liam fucking Payne and it hurts a lot less to concentrate on his food than to stare into those eyes. Welcome to seventh year Zayn, nothing really changed and he still hates you just as much.</p>
<p>Or the one where Zayn and Liam are in Hogwarts and kind of hate each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The course of true love never did run smooth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transteverogers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transteverogers/gifts).



> My prompt was this one : prompt one: HP au where it's basically a hate fic with lots and lots of sex (bonus for dom Zayn)
> 
> And I tried to have them hate each other a lot, I really really tried but it looks like everything I touch with my magic wand turns into fluff. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did enjoy writing it :)

Zayn is sitting in his usual compartment looking out the window as the Hogwart’s Express is slowly filling up with all the excited students. He can’t help but feel a bit nostalgic thinking that this is the last time he is going to live that euphoria surrounding the first day of school. Seventh year. Already.

He looks at the anxious faces of the younger ones running around the train station and he enjoys the sweet vibrations of the train under his feet. A book lays on his lap but he hasn’t opened it yet, too busy looking at all of the families outside, his own busy somewhere with his younger sisters. His compartment door is opened quite abruptly and he smiles instantly when he sees his best friend Louis, but the smile dies pretty quickly because Louis is talking with the one and only _Liam Payne_.

Liam’s smile disappears as well when his eyes lands on Zayn, curled up in the corner of his seat and his eyes turns cold, his bushy eyebrows setting into an angry frown. “Anyway Tommo, I’m gonna try to find Niall.” Liam then turns away without another look towards Zayn. Good, he thinks. Like he needs more attention from Liam anyway. He has hated the guy since his very first day of Hogwarts six years ago, and it’s pretty obvious that Liam hates him just as much. He doesn’t want to waste anymore of his energy on the boy.

Zayn didn’t even notice that he changed his hair this year. That it looks a bit like some fake mohawk and it adds a bit of sharpness to his always round cheeks. That those cheeks were covered in a thin layer of dark blond hair and that his shoulders were a bit broader than last year. Or that stupid birthmark, shaped like a heart in the middle of his throat, that has always distracted Zayn, his eyes always looking down at it, in some kind of weird fascination. Yeah, no, Zayn didn’t notice any of those things because he was too busy _glaring_ at Liam with the same annoyed expression the other boy always gave him whenever they meet.

“You should give the boy a chance,” says Louis as he tries to put his bag in the compartments above their seats, pushing up on his tip toes to make himself taller. Louis tends to forget that he has a wand in his pocket so without a word Zayn picks up his own and mutters a spell under his breath. The bag lifts in the air and, finally falling in place, leaving a grumpy looking Louis as he falls into his seat, “Show off!”

“You’re a wizard, Louis. That wand in your pocket is there for a reason you know?”

“I know that your wand gets excited every time Liam is around,” Louis tells him with a coy smile, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re insane. I hate the guy. And he hates me right back.”

“Yeah, but you stare at “the guy” quite a lot for someone who hates him.”

Bless Harry Styles and his perfect timing for stumbling into their compartment before Louis can continue his complete nonsense about Zayn staring at Liam because, _seriously_? He is used to Louis talking shit but that is some next level Tomlinson’s absurdity.

“Hiiiiiiiiii,” Harry greets them as he lets himself fall on the seat right next to Louis. He gives Zayn a bright smile, his dimples on display, and Zayn can’t help but smile back.

“Giving Zayn some shit for his crush on Liam again?”

Zayn takes back whatever he ever said about Harry Styles. He hates him.

“I don’t have a crush on him! I hate him! What is this kind of conspiracy between you two suddenly? He looks at me like I’m making his life a living hell. His eyes are so cold every time he looks at me I feel like I’m looking at a freaking Dementor.”

“Okaaaaaaaay? Calm down. M’sorry Zayn. I won’t bring that up again,” and he mimes zipping his lips and then throwing the small key by the window.

“S’fine,” Zayn mutters because it’s quite impossible to get angry with Harry.

He opens his book, trying to ignore his two best friends whispering just a few feets away from him. All the words in front of his eyes are blurring, though, because he can’t help but think about his very first day of school six years ago. He can’t help but remember the very first time he met Liam Payne.

 

-*-

 

Zayn remembers his first year sitting at his table in the Great Hall with all the other first years, he remembers the magical ceiling and how beautiful it looked. It was cloudy that night, so the fake sky was a deep grey, almost blueish and the stars were hiding behind those thick purple clouds. He remembers smaller versions of Harry and Louis, already attached to the hip, whispering to each other. He remembers his name being called and the relief he felt when the Hat yelled _RAVENCLAW_! He remembers the proud look Doni gave him when he sat next to them at their table.

He also remembers a boy being called not long after him, sadly he didn’t catch his name, his sister talking to him at the very same time. He had ruddy cheeks and dark blond hair, and Zayn remembers how nervous he had looked sitting on that tool with the big Hat on top of his head. Zayn sees it again, the surprise on the boy’s face when he was sorted in Gryffindor, how he asked out loud, “Really?!”, making his classmates laugh and cheeks go even brighter, before walking to his new house’s table with a dazed look on his chubby face.

He was looking all around him with big surprised eyes and Zayn instantly thought that he must have been a muggle born and even though his parents had never been judgmental about other wizards’ origins, Zayn always felt a bit proud about being a pureblood. But at that moment, looking at that boy on the other side of the room, he almost regretted it. That amazement on the boy’s face was just so nice to look at.

He wondered how it must feel to discover magic for the very first time, to not be born in a magical family and to discover it for the first time in such a great place like Hogwarts. You must think you’re one of the luckiest people in the world when you receive that letter telling you that you’re a wizard when all you knew was a boring muggle life. And even if Zayn was just a little boy, back then, knowing nothing about the world yet, he thought that he maybe saw some new kind of magic into the eyes of that boy, sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Things got a bit out of hand the next day, though.

When Zayn entered his Potions’ class, the teacher had showed him his place and he learned that the cute Gryffindor’s name was Liam, Liam Payne. He looked nervous back then, looking at Zayn and his cheeks were so red, more than the night before in the Great Hall. Zayn thought he was about to burst because of it and he almost wanted to touch them, to feel if they were burning. In his haste to shake Zayn’s hand though, Liam’s elbow knocked almost all of the ingredients of their desk on the ground and mostly on Zayn’s robes.

Zayn pretty much caught on fire during the first period of his first day at Hogwarts. What a way to make a nice impression.

Zayn remembers the burn and the smell and the look on Liam’s face. Panic. He remembers ending up on one of Madam Pomfrey’s bed with some kind of really bad smelling ointment all over his burned skin.

The next day, he was completely healed, thanks to the nurse’s magical hands, without a single scar on his skin but Liam, Liam was avoiding him. He was refusing to even look at him and he even asked their teacher about being paired with someone else, a blond boy with freckles and pink cheeks who was laughing all the time. His voice was always louder than the other ones in the class and he made Liam laugh, cute little giggles he was hiding in the sleeve of his dark robes.

Zayn remembers how mad he had felt, he could’ve had at least apologized? He didn’t care about his robes or the burns, because everything healed anyway.  All he really wanted was for Liam to say he was sorry so he could continue working with him, so maybe he could keep looking into those beautiful brown eyes. But Liam was kind of a jerk to him now, being rude and avoiding him even though Louis said he was kind of nice since they were having some classes together. But to Zayn, he was anything but nice so maybe he started hating him just a little bit because of it.

 

-*-

 

Zayn walks in the Great Hall for dinner that night, his stomach growling with how hungry he is. He missed Hogwarts’ food so much during the summer. His mum’s food is still one of his favorites but there is something about the food here, something, and that pun is totally intended, almost magical. No matter how shit your day has been, you always feel better after some of Hogwarts’ food in your belly. Sometimes, he secretly hopes to have a teaching job right here so he can continue to eat all those delicious things every day.

He meets a few fellow Ravenclaws, waves a few hellos here and there. When he passes the doors of the Great Hall, he is hit by all the noises, laughter and screams and everybody seems so happy to be back for another year. Everything will change in a few weeks though, he knows it, even more for them since the seventh year is a tough one. It’s the year they need to pick a career and Zayn knows he wants to teach but, it’s still a scary decision to make. A decision that is going to change his whole life.

He sits at his usual place next to Louis and Harry, who are already arguing about something. Louis is wearing his silver and green Slytherin tie around his neck but he didn’t bother knotting it. His hair has grown a lot during the summer and he put a hairband around his head to keep his fringe out of his eyes. Harry is quite the contrary, his tie is nicely done, the Hufflepuff’s yellow bright against his white dress shirt but if his clothes are on point, his hair, as always, is all over the place.

It’s a mystery really, how the two of them get along so well. How Harry is the only one to soften Louis a little bit while the latter is the one and only who can convince Harry to get a bit wild, to break a few rules once in awhile. They balance each other in a way, have been for six whole years now and Zayn knows they love him as much as he love them, but there is something between Harry and Louis that he will never understand.

He lets them talk to look around the room while eating his roasted chicken and to his own despair, he meets Liam’s eyes across the room from where he sits with Niall and their friend Sophia. She talks to Liam but it looks like he is not listening, he is looking straight at Zayn and even in the distance, he can see the coldness in those brown eyes. Zayn lowers his eyes then and concentrates on his food, his chicken being a lot less judgmental than Liam fucking Payne and it hurts a lot less to concentrate on his food than to stare into those eyes. Welcome to seventh year Zayn, nothing really changed and he still hates you just as much.

 

-*-

 

Almost all of his classes are with Liam. He has only one with Harry and absolutely none with Louis. It’s going to be the longest year of his poor existence. Liam’s friend, Niall, is really nice though. He always has been good with Zayn because he is friends with Harry and also, Niall Horan is just friendly with everybody. He is the perfect picture of a Hufflepuff, really, friendly and always smiling and helping. It’s easy to see how Harry and him get along so well. What he doesn’t understand is why Niall had insisted to sit with Zayn in every class they have together. And it’s a bit annoying really because Niall sitting with him means that Liam is never really far.

He spent all of Herbology class staring at Liam’s back on Wednesday. It always get really hot in that class, and Zayn and Niall removed their ties earlier, rolling the sleeves of their shirts. At some point, Liam removed his robes, standing in front of him only in his white shirt, his own red and gold tie forgotten somewhere. As he was working Zayn couldn’t help but admire the muscles of his back flexing under the fabric, slowly getting damp with sweat. And he swears he hates the boy deep down in his guts and it’s getting more and more frustrating to see how attractive he is.

Zayn was sitting with Niall that day, as always, and Niall was talking to him about his brother’s son, Theo, and how fond he is of the little boy. Zayn couldn’t help but smile and he laughed out loud at some point when Niall told him he was trying to teach him some naughty Irish words. When he laughed, Liam had spun around to look at him, his face turned down into a frown like every time he was looking at Zayn. Liam had also undone a few buttons of his shirt and as Zayn saw a few drops of sweat dripping from his collarbones, he swears he forgot for a few seconds why he was supposed to hate him. Liam had turned away without a single word, like nothing happened at all.

And here he is on Friday morning in his Charms class, staring at him again. He is on Zayn’s right today, a few rows in front of him and he can’t help but stare at that beauty mark on his cheek and the coarse blond hair accentuating the squareness of his jawline. He is sitting with Sophia today and she keeps making him laugh. He saw Liam trying to shush her a few times, pointing at their teacher with his cheeks a bright red from how hard he was trying not to laugh.

They are distracting. If only they could pay attention to the class so Zayn could do the same. He is tired of their giggling and the way they can’t stop whispering to each other with their heads too close. He looks away, frowning at his notebook and he feels Harry’s nudging him with his elbow. “Jealous much?”

“Jealous of who?”

“Of Sophia. I bet you would like to be the one making Liam laugh like that.”

All he does is send an incredulous look to his friend, not even bothering with an answer. Harry is ridiculous. He doesn't want to make _Liam_ laugh, he doesn’t want anything to do with Liam anyway. All he ever gets from him is angry looks and even angrier words. Like it would be even possible for Zayn to ever make Liam Payne smile.

  
  


-*-

 

It was on a rainy Thursday morning in second year and Zayn was all but running towards his second period class, his favorite one, Charms, because he was almost late. He was good at Charms, always had a great memory and he had been the best of his class last year. It was fun for Zayn, to learn the different spells and how to move his wand properly. It was nice to feel that he could be powerful, just from his words, that he could change a little bit of the world surrounding him because of it. It was such a nice feeling, seeing feathers fly in front of his eyes, plants grow quicker.

This year, though, it was a bit different because his Charms class was with Liam and it was a bit distracting. They had barely spoken to each other since the Potions incident the year before and Zayn didn’t really know what to say to him because honestly, Liam barely looked at him most of the time and when Zayn had tried to talk to him, he almost ran away from him. But Liam was just as cute as the year before and, knowing that, the only few times they had to talk or look at each other, Liam’s words and eyes were cold as ice. He was always a bit nervous in the other boy’s presence.

And then they got paired up for some exercise in which they had to interact and talk and look at each other and Zayn knew that it was going to be difficult. He never did anything to Liam himself. He was the one who got burned because of the other boy the year before and still, there was something about Liam that made an anxious, unknown feeling seep under Zayn’s skin.

They had to practice some spells together that day and Zayn remembered how he had stuttered his words, getting them all wrong, how his hand was shaking slightly around his wand pointed at Liam and how instead of a Mending charm like he was suppose to do, he ended up breaking Liam’s arm.

He remembers how he saw the other boy falling on the floor yelling in pain and how cold Zayn had felt hearing him cry while he was holding his hurt arm with trembling fingers. He was frozen on the spot, couldn't do anything but watch with the weight of guilt on his shoulders.

All he wanted to do was go with Liam to the infirmary but the other boy had looked at him with eyes full of tears muttering a, “ _Leave me alone!_ ”, filled with so much hate that Zayn had felt his own bones aching with it. After that incident, Liam had kept avoiding Zayn but now his looks were cold and angry instead of scared and cautious.

Maybe Liam thought that it was kind of revenge from Zayn, of a way to make him pay for last year’s incident… But it was nothing of sort. It’s just… It’s because of Liam and how Zayn was so nervous, how he just wants the other boy to like him, maybe? To understand why there is so much hate in Liam’s eyes when he looks at him? But then, he kind of gave him another reason to hate him, a bigger one this time because he broke Liam’s arm and that’s kind of a big deal.

Their teacher was trying to comfort him, saying that it wasn’t his fault, that it happens all the time to just have some spells wrong and that Madam Pomfrey was taking good care of Liam but still, he felt so bad about it.

Zayn kind of understood why Liam hadn’t apologized the year before because he couldn’t find it in himself to do it now, feeling way too embarassed by it all and way too scared by all the iciness never leaving Liam’s stare when he was looking at him.

The next day, Liam had walked in the Great Hall at breakfast with his arm wrapped in a bandage but it looked okay, Liam looked okay. A few girls from Gryffindor jumped on him, probably asking if he was okay and he must have mentioned Zayn because a few people at their table turned their head to look at the Ravenclaw one. They were all looking at Zayn, with disgust and anger now, like Liam wasn’t on his feet right now, looking as great as ever, no. They were looking him like what Zayn did was the worst thing to ever happen to the Gryffindor house in the last fifty years.

Zayn just grabbed his bag, leaving his food on the table and walked away, without a single look behind. If Liam Payne wanted to play nasty and hate him that much well, they could be two playing that game.

 

-*-

 

At the end of the day, Zayn enters the Great Hall again, more than ready for a hot meal and then he kind of wants to sleep the whole weekend. The first week had been exhausting and he can’t help but groan out loud as soon as he sees that Liam and Niall are sitting with Louis and Harry at their usual table. _What the fuck_?

Niall and Harry are talking together about some assignment they have to do for one of their classes while Louis and Liam are arguing over Quidditch. The only available place is next to Liam and Zayn sits next to him quietly, trying not to disturb them. Maybe they won’t see him, maybe Liam won’t see him and look at him with his angry eyes this time.

But no, that is not what happens. Niall waves at him instantly and Harry gives him a warm smile. Louis reaches past Liam to give him a fist bump while Liam gives him a tiny little nod that is barely noticeable. He grabs some food and stays silent as the others resume their conversations.

“There is no way you’re going to win against us tomorrow, Payno. We are way better this year, you’ll see.”

Liam laughs at Louis then and Zayn can’t help but remember Harry’s words, about making him laugh too and from the corner of his eye, he does look at Liam while he laughs. How he opens his mouth wide, making his eyes close almost completely, little crescent of happiness at the top of his round cheeks, how he holds his belly while he does and how a pretty shade of pink illuminates his face. He shakes his head and concentrates on his food instead, trying to get the sound of Liam’s bright laughter out of his mind.

“You gonna come, Zayn?” it’s Louis asking him, leaning towards the table to look at him better.

“And why would I do that? It’s not even my house playing, Lou.”

“No, but your best friend is,” he responds with his brightest smile. “Harry and Niall are coming too and it’s not their houses either. Come on! I could use your pretty face encouraging me from the stands, Zaynie.”

He avoids Liam’s eyes even though he can feel him looking. He looks at Harry and Niall instead, both of them smiling and nodding their heads. He doesn’t understand how they can cope with his grumpy self most of the time but he wouldn’t trade those friends for any other ones really.

“Yeah, Z,” Harry speaks with his usual slow pace, “Come on. Missed you this summer and we barely saw each other this week.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll go.”

And he goes. He is sitting between Niall and Harry the next day as both of them are cheering for Liam and also for Louis because it’s unfair to have to choose between two of their friends really. For Zayn, it’s not that difficult. He wishes for a Slytherin win. He doesn’t have any reasons to cheer for Gryffindor since he hates Liam and isn’t even friends with him.

But at the same time, he knows that he is going to see him more and more and that they are going to hang out the five of them together a lot, now. Because it’s quite obvious how Harry and Niall like each other and how Zayn himself is quite fond of Niall too. He knows Louis and Liam have always been friends even though they are not supposed to be, being in rival houses and both members of the Quidditch teams. He also knows that Louis kept his friendship with Liam at bay for Zayn’s sake but… Everything is changing this year and he needs to put that hate and that anger away because he loves his friends and if they want to hang out together, he doesn’t want to be the one keeping that away from them.

The game goes well and of course Gryffindor wins. It’s been two years since Slytherin won against them and even though Louis is a great player, Liam is better, he has to admit it. Louis doesn’t even get mad at Liam and he sees them hug on the pitch after the game, congratulating each other with friendly pats on the butt. Zayn is almost ready to try and talk to Liam more, try to be friends with him but as they were all partying in the Gryffindor common room later that night but, everything kind of goes to hell.

Everyone at the party is quite drunk and Zayn is a proud citizen of Tipsy Town himself, swaying softly to the loud music surrounding them. He is sitting on a couch with Louis and Liam is standing on a table in front of them, reenacting the whole game for a small audience of girls drinking in all of his words like he is some kind of hero or something. He is cute, though. He is really into it and he smiles real big and his lips are a darker shade of red from that bright pink sugary cocktail he drank all night. And maybe it’s because Zayn is a bit drunk himself or maybe it’s because he doesn’t like those feelings Liam is giving him lately but he can’t help himself and opens his mouth to speak, “Calm down Liam, it’s just a game.”

It’s the kind of stuff he says to Louis all the time but clearly, Liam isn’t Louis and he looks down at Zayn with such hurt, like he can’t believe he really said that to him.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Liam then jumps from the table and walks closer to Zayn until he is standing right in front of him. The pleasant buzz from the alcohol in his limbs turns bad under Liam’s glare.

“I mean uh --”

“You mean you’re too _cool_ for Quidditch, Zayn? You didn’t even want to come to the game in the first place, I saw it on your face yesterday. You did it just because Harry and Niall begged you too. Quidditch is not fancy enough for a little Ravenclaw genius like yourself? I know for you it’s just a stupid game but for some of us it’s important. Some of us don’t get good grades like you do and it’s kind of their only hope to do something good with their lives.”

And wow. Did Zayn really deserve all the things Liam’s just said to him right now? Was that small little sentence enough to trigger Liam’s anger that bad?

“That is not what I said Liam! What the fuck are you going on about?”

“Nevermind. Go back to your books, Malik. Nobody wants you here.”

“Liam!” and it’s Louis’ voice this time, trying to get them to stop fighting.

“You know what? Fuck you, Liam,” Zayn yells, ignoring Louis’. “I should have known better. Should have known you and I couldn’t be friends.”

He hears Louis calling his name but he’s gone before the end of it, shaking the portrait of the Fat Lady as he quickly exits the Gryffindor’s tower. He practically runs to his own tower where the Ravenclaw’s common room is. He fights tears of frustration as he removes his clothes and gets into his bed. He was so stupid to think he could be friend with a jerk like Liam. How is Louis even friends with him? How can Harry and Niall, who are both so nice, be friends with Liam Fucking Payne who had just attacked him and yelled at him for no reason? Well maybe Zayn was a jerk first, but what he said was not as mean and awful as what Liam had said.

Zayn has trouble falling asleep that night, hearing Liam’s words over and over again and how furious he was. But when he finally falls asleep after a few hours of tossing and turning, Zayn dreams of Hippogriffs.

 

-*-

 

Zayn is completely terrified. There is a reason why he has wanted to be a teacher since he was a little kid. Zayn lives in his books, in his imaginary world because real life is a bit too scary sometimes. He has loved animals since he was born, growing up with cats and dogs and owls and the Care of magical creature class is usually one of his favorite.

But standing in front of that Hippogriff today, Zayn wants to run away and hide somewhere in the castle.

It’s probably all in his head but it looks like that majestic creature is looking at him like it wants to crush him under his strong legs.

He had tried to look like he didn’t care but all of his classmates were looking excited and he was pretty much the only one looking terrified back then. He missed Harry and Louis, missed being with them in that class because he would have loved for Harry to just hold his hand a bit. Louis would probably have made fun of him but at least he would have done it while rubbing at Zayn’s back, trying to comfort him a little.

He stepped back a bit, hiding behind a few of his classmates. He usually loved that class, loved taking care of small and cute animals and learning about them and their teacher is the sweetest really, but that day was different. He knows there are bigger, scarier creatures in the magical world but that didn’t mean he wanted to see them in real life and have to actually deal with them.

He looked to his left and he saw Liam looking at the animal with bright excited eyes and Zayn felt a pang of anger in his chest. Of course Payne had to be excited, of course he wasn’t scared like Zayn was. He was always so much better than him. He was always so eager in that class though. Every time their teacher brought in a new animal, he went all bouncy and smiled a lot and just wanted to pet them all and talked to them with a stupid high pitched voice (and Zayn hated how cute he was really).

He was one of the stars of the Gryffindor Quidditch team now. He heard some teachers saying he was the best player Gryffindor had in the last ten years. He had a lot of friends who tended to take pleasure in torturing Zayn and pushing him in the corridors when he was not with Louis or Harry. Liam was just a tiny bit taller than him now and his usually straight hair had been curly and loose that year. It made him look just a tiny bit softer around the edges. Liam wasn’t softer with Zayn though, and they kept giving each other murderous glances every time their eyes met.

It’s like those last three years were just them hurting each other and insulting each other like it’s written somewhere in the stars that Zayn Malik and Liam Payne are meant to hate each other’s guts. Every time they tried to talk, it ended up in a fight. Ended up in them screaming until one of them just threw his hands in the air and walked away, cursing the other’s name and being grumpy about it for the rest of the day.

The teacher called Zayn’s name then, and he realized that he was lost in his thoughts because everybody got closer to their teacher and the animal and he was the only one who stayed behind. All the students were looking at him. “Come on Mister Malik, come a bit closer. Don’t be scared!”

“I’m _not_!” Even to him, those words were anything but convincing.

“First of all, watch your tone, and then if you’re not scared, you could come closer. Come on Zayn.”

He did walk a bit closer to the animal and he ended up right next to Liam, who gave him a quick look before concentrating on the teacher’s words again, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Zayn can’t help but feel the warmth of Liam, to notice how his tie was loose around his neck and how a few curls were sticking to his forehead because of the warm weather. Zayn suddenly felt a bit too hot in his robes too, pulling at his own tie and hitting Liam’s side in the motion. “Sorry,” he mumbled, looking at the ground and avoiding Liam’s eyes. He saw the other boy shrug like he didn’t care and then their teacher was calling for him.

He picked a few students to come closer and pet the animal and Liam was so good with it. He stayed calm and he touched the beast with such gentle hands. Zayn saw how he talked to it, like he always did with all the animals showed to them in that class, a soft smile on his lips like he was enjoying himself so much. Liam almost looked like he felt lucky to be in the Hippogriff’s presence.

“Why don’t you help Mister Malik, Liam? You’re really good with it.”

Liam looked back at Zayn and he didn’t hesitate even a second, with a swift nod of his head he silently asked him to come closer. “Just bow before it,” Liam whispered to him, his voice as gentle as his hands were against the creature’s feathers. Zayn did, he bowed in front of the animal and it did the same almost instantly, to Zayn’s utter surprise.

When he straightened himself, Zayn saw that it’s eyes were way more amiable than he first thought and he felt silly for being scared earlier. He saw Liam looking at both of them with careful eyes and he took Zayn’s hand (his heart didn’t flutter at the contact of Liam’s fingers against his skin, no) and put it on the animal’s neck.

Zayn buried his fingers into the feathers as Liam was still whispering sweet nothings to the animal to keep it calm. It was such a nice, peaceful moment that for a second, Zayn just forgot that he was standing with the boy he has hated for three whole years, he just looked at Liam with a bright smile, the one his sisters always make fun of him for. He always pushes his tongue against the back of his teeth and he knows he looks like a dork every time. Liam looked surprised for a few seconds, but eventually he did smile back.

And that fluttery feeling was back in Zayn’s chest.

At the end of the class though, one of Liam’s friends came to him and made fun of him for how scared he was of some stupid Hippogriff and how he needed Liam to get close to it. Liam said nothing, just watched the end of his boots with bright red cheeks and let his friends be mean towards Zayn, as usual, without defending him. And Zayn felt just a little bit of hurt thinking about Liam’s smile later that day, asking himself if it was fake, like all the rest of him was but Zayn kept it for himself.

 

-*-

 

Zayn is sitting in the library on a cold Saturday morning of October, drinking hot chocolate with a few marshmallows on top. The kitchen elves have always been pretty fond of Harry and by extent, of himself too. They always get extra stuff on pretty much every kind of food. Which means a little mountain of marshmallows on his cups of hot chocolate.

He woke up too early for a Saturday but he wanted to start working early on that assignment for his Charms class. He wants his grades to be as good as the six previous years in that class.

He was too lazy to do anything with his hair so he kept it down, his now too long fringe falling into his eyes and he’s dressed in his burgundy jumper, the one with a few burns on the sleeves because of a few impromptu smoking sessions behind the castle with Louis. It smells like a mix of home and smoke and Zayn loves it.

That’s where he is, with all his books open before him, his quill in one hand and his cup of hot chocolate in the other, when Liam enters the doors of the library. He looks knackered, like he barely slept the night before and Zayn knows they stayed outside pretty late for Quidditch practice because tomorrow is quite a big game. Gryffindor against Ravenclaw. He won’t go though, learned his lesson after the last game against Slytherin. How Liam and him had yelled at each other...

They had barely talked since then, a few weeks ago, barely looked at each other too. Letting the other three talk and lead the discussions and avoiding the other at all costs. Liam sits at the table just in front of his, facing Zayn without even noticing him.

He looks like he is still sleeping, his hair is all over the place and the buttons of his shirt are done all wrong, more than a few popped in the wrong holes. His jeans are still obscenely low, like every weekend when he can wear his usual clothes instead of the school uniform and Zayn had seen his boxer-clad arse more than he wants to admit.

That’s a nice arse, though. Not too round like Louis’ or completely non existent like his own, no. It’s kind of the perfect size...

And Zayn chokes on his hot chocolate asking himself why the hell is he thinking about Liam’s _arse_?

That’s enough to wake Liam up just a little though. Startled by the sound, he looks up at Zayn before looking right back into his backpack, frowning, while he takes his books and places them on the table. He picks his ink and his quill and a few parchment sheets before beginning to read, taking a few notes now and then.

Zayn tries to concentrate back on his work but it’s harder than before. He is now painfully aware of Liam’s presence right in front of him and he kind of wants to just stand up and do his shirt buttons properly because it’s distracting him. Not because Liam is distracting, no, only his shirt is.  He looks ridiculous. Maybe he wants to fix up his hair a bit too and tell him to go back to bed because he looks dead on his feet. But he doesn’t stand up to do any of that. He tries to concentrate on his work instead.

He looks up at Liam a few times, just to check if the boy didn’t fall asleep face first on the table, and almost every time, Liam is already looking at him. And they both look away every time, with bright red cheeks.They try to convince themselves that it’s anger coloring their faces, and not embarrassment or maybe even something more. No. It’s just anger. It’s always anger when it’s related to Liam Payne.

He hears Liam heaving a frustrated sigh at some point and then he stands up and walks towards Zayn. Zayn looks up at him through his fringe, and the first thing he notices is how red and ruined Liam’s bottom lip looks. He always chews at them when he works, always. And it drives a part of Zayn completely mad every time because it’s so annoying (and maybe it’s a bit arousing too but he is still in denial about that part).

“I’m sorry,” Liam tells him, frowning again and he looks really sincere saying it, like it was hard to gather the courage to walk those few steps and apologize to Zayn. But of course, Zayn can be such an arsehole when he wants to, and he is so disturbed by Liam in this moment, by his looks mostly. How exhausted he looks and how glassy his eyes are, with those dark circles underneath them. He suddenly wants to hug him, and to just lay down and take a nap with him for the rest of the day. And he is not supposed to have those kind of thoughts, to feel this way. So he snaps at Liam, because that’s the only solution, right?

“Like I care about your apologies.”

Maybe he is still a bit hurt too, by Liam’s words a few weeks back. But he is not supposed to let himself be hurt by him, so he’d rather act like an arsehole than be the bigger person and accept that Liam wants to say he is sorry about it.

It’s not supposed to hurt, seeing a flash of pain in Liam’s eyes, or see that bright red anger coming back upon his exhausted features. He always looks angry at Zayn anyway, so why does it hurt today? It’s not supposed to hurt?

He sees Liam’s hands tighten into fists by his sides, like he really tries not to get angry at Zayn but it lasts just a second and he deflates like a balloon. His shoulders drop and so does the expression on his face. He is not frowning anymore, he looks sad, and so, so tired. He looks like a boy who just surrendered because fighting is too tiring, too hard and he just can’t do it anymore.

“Whatever… You hate me too much, I should have known apologies were useless.”

He turns his back to Zayn and walks back to his table, picking up all of his stuff and putting it back into his bag before walking out of the library without another look and Zayn stays a few long minutes wondering why he feels that way, all of sudden. Like there is some part of him that is missing, like it’s Liam who took that part when he left.

 

-*-

 

Later on, as he is walking towards the kitchen to take back his empty mug of hot chocolate, he hears some loud voices coming from behind the doors and he recognize one of them as Liam’s. He sounds angry, so, so angry and Niall is trying his best to calm him down but it’s not working at all.

He is not sure at first why Liam sounds so furious but then he hears his name, “And he said ‘like I care about your apologies’ when I’ve had trouble sleeping with how fucking bad I felt about what I told him at the party!”

Zayn feels his stomach drop at those words. Why does he care? Liam hates him and now he is saying that he felt guilty about what he told Zayn? Nothing makes sense. They hate each other, and they have for years now.

Zayn turns away, not ready to hear more of what Liam has to say about him. Clearly not ready to accept the fact that hate is maybe not the word for that strong feeling taking so much place between them.

 

-*-

 

On Sunday afternoon, Louis and him hide to smoke, both of them avoiding the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Niall wanted to go, cheering for Liam because he was so nervous about that game and Harry decided to go with him, leaving them both wrapped up in warm jumpers and their house scarves, smoking behind the Greenhouse.

“He doesn’t hate you, you know?” Louis whispers to him, smoke surrounding them.

“Who?” It’s easier to play innocent. To act like Liam’s words are not haunting him since yesterday afternoon.

“Liam, you wanker! Who else?”

“I don’t care.”

Louis picks the cigarette from Zayn’s fingers, pulling his face up to look into his eyes.

“Yeah, you do. You care and it’s okay. Because he cares too. If you could just take that pretty face of yours out of your arse for maybe five seconds you could see it.”

And later that night, Zayn falls asleep and Louis’ words are still in his mind, mixing with Liam’s and how angry he had sounded talking to Niall in the kitchens. How sad he looked in the library and Zayn falls into some restless kind of sleep, dreaming of some other times he remembers seeing Liam just as angry and sad as he was the day before. And it looks like it’s always his own damn fault.

 

-*-

 

There was a Christmas party going on in every common room of the four houses that night. Harry, Louis and him had gone to Ravenclaw, Slytherin and of course Hufflepuff, drinking more than they should have at every single one of them. As the boys were heading to the Gryffindor one, singing Christmas carols a bit too loudly in the empty corridors, Zayn had decided to fake tiredness and drunkenness to go back to his common room and sleep.

He was mostly avoiding Liam and if the boys were aware of the situation, they were the best of friends for ignoring it. Zayn didn’t even celebrate Christmas anyway, only having been there for Louis’ birthday and for how much he loved partying with his boys. But that night, he felt like being in the same room as Liam was a bad idea.

Since the previous year, with the Hippogriff, they barely had any problems with each other, which was quite a record. Liam was so attractive now, almost painfully so and... Zayn was not ready to accept the things he clearly felt when he looked at Liam’s lips or hands for a bit too long. It was easier when Liam was mean to him, because the soft, gentle Liam he discovered the year before was messing with his head a bit too much.

They still didn’t talk and mostly avoid each other’s presence but Zayn thought that, maybe there wasn’t as much anger as before when Liam’s eyes fell on him in the Great Hall at dinner, or in the library or even in the few classes they shared.

When Zayn looked at Liam himself, he didn’t feel such hate anymore and it was disturbing for him. The alcohol in his blood wasn’t helping because he was thinking about kissing Liam, and how it would feel to have those full lips pressed against his thinner ones and if those hands would hold him tight or would be gentle, cradling his face and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

That’s mostly why he couldn’t go to the Gryffindor party because of all those thoughts clouding his mind. He was starting to get used to them when he was alone in the darkness of his room just before falling asleep but now, he was not in his bed and he is a bit shitfaced and and he was clearly not alone in that dark corridor because he heard some footsteps getting closer.

When he turned around, he saw that it was Liam walking behind him and he just leaned on the wall to let him pass next to him, to let him go wherever he was going that late at night on Christmas’ Eve. Clearly, it was away from his own common room where there was supposed to be a party going on. He didn’t walk pass Zayn though, no, he stopped right in front of him.

He walked the few steps separating them until their chests were almost touching and Zayn couldn't go anywhere with his back pressed against the cold stones of the castle and Liam’s warm body in front of him. He looked into Zayn’s eyes and his pupils were blown wide and there was a strong smell of Fire Whisky on his breath.

There was also one single branch of mistletoe just above them.

“Liam?” Zayn said, not above a whisper and he hated how terrified he sounded because he was a bit scared of Liam, of how he looked at him like he wanted to eat him whole. He looked at him in a way he never did before.

“What are you doing here?”

Liam didn’t answer at first, just pushed a few strands of Zayn’s hair away from his face and his touch was so, so gentle and his other hand rested softly against Zayn’s waist and he could feel the burn of it through all of his clothes. “I could ask you the same question.”

Liam’s words were a bit slurred by alcohol and his hand was still on Zayn’s face, touching him almost too tenderly and his eyes were dark, never leaving Zayn’s lips.

“I was going to bed.”

“I was looking for you.”

“Why?”

He closed his eyes after speaking because he was kind of overwhelmed by all the feelings Liam was giving him, by how close and intimate they were.  He wanted to be kissed so bad but it couldn’t be what Liam wanted. He was also scared of Liam’s answer.

“We’re standing under a mistletoe,” was what Liam told him. Zayn remembers how confused he was by those words. How he didn’t understand how it could be the reason why Liam was looking for him like that.

But then, their chests ended pressed against each other’s completely and those lips, those sinfully red lips were against his own, just a soft pressure, like he was asking Zayn for permission to go further, deeper.

And Zayn, he tasted the bitter sting of the Whisky mixing with a strange sweetness that was just completely _Liam’s._ Some kind of sweet and sour flavour that Zayn could easily become addicted to. He felt the way Liam’s fingers were shaking a little bit on his cheeks. It was too much again, it can’t be true, it can’t be happening…

And it was the worst moment really, for Zayn’s mind to start playing some twisted tricks on him but as Liam’s lips were against his own, he couldn’t help but remember the cold looks, the anger in his eyes and the way he never said anything whenever his friends were making fun of him.

He pushed Liam away then, quite roughly and he saw him stumble a few feet back, unsteady on his feet because of the alcohol.

“Get away from me,” Zayn all but spat at him, spat that delicious taste of alcohol still on his tongue, trying to forget how much he loved it.

“Zayn?”

“I said get away! You’re gonna go tell all your friends now, Liam? How Malik is a _faggot_ and how he let you kiss him under the mistletoe in the dark corridors?”

“No! Zayn, I would never do that, I want-”

Liam tried to got closer to him again, tried to explain but Zayn had pushed him away another time. Like Liam Payne could really like him. Like he really wanted to kiss him when all he did was make his life a complete hell for the last few years. If it was some kind of joke, it was anything but funny for Zayn.

Liam completely stopped talking at Zayn’s second push and Zayn never did look behind him as he walked away that night. So he missed Liam’s look, missed how completely devastated he was and how he just dropped into the floor, resting his back against the wall with his head between his hands.

In his dream though, Zayn sees it. Sees how he had hurt Liam that night when he thought he was the one getting hurt.

The months after that kiss were the worst. Zayn does remember that part. How cold his eyes were anytime he was looking at Zayn and how he caught him a few times talking about him to his friends, even pushing him in the corridors a few times himself when he never had before. Zayn does remember how the second half of his fourth year would have been his worst one at Hogwarts without Louis and Harry.

 

-*-

 

Gryffindor loses against Ravenclaw and at dinner that night, Liam looks miserable. He barely talks to any of the boys, even less to Zayn. There is so much sadness in his eyes that Zayn swears he can almost feel himself getting as sad as Liam is just by looking at him. Liam eats only a few bites of his meal, leaving the rest to Niall before excusing himself and leaving the table.

Zayn only holds himself back for a few seconds before standing up and following him, ignoring the questioning glances from his friends. He follows Liam silently, trying to reach him but he walks too fast, keeping a safe distance between them until he finally reaches the corridor leading to the Gryffindor common room.

“Liam! Wait!”

Liam stops dead in his tracks, doesn’t even turn around, letting his shoulders and his head drop in defeat. He looks at the ground, at the tip of his shoes when Zayn finally catches up with him. He wants to touch him, wants him to turn around and look at him and he doesn’t know why but a pretty big part of him just wants to make Liam feel better.

“Are you okay?”

“Just… Just leave okay, Zayn? I don’t have the energy to fight with you anymore. Leave me alone, _please._ ”

His voice cracks on the last word, like he is about to cry and Zayn forgets about all of his dumb boundaries and just reaches for Liam, closing his fingers around Liam’s wrist, feeling the pulse going crazy under his touch.

“I’m sorry, Liam. For what I said at the party, for being a jerk to you at the library the other day, about your loss against Ravenclaw, too. I’m sorry.”

He wants to apologize for so much more, for his arm back in second year and for that kiss in fourth year that he still can feel sometimes when he concentrates hard enough. Sorry for the way he just wants to hold onto Liam’s hand right now instead of his wrist, sorry because he is maybe already addicted to the feel of Liam’s heartbeat against his fingertips and wishes he was the reason for it to beat so fast. Maybe one day he could tell Liam all of those things, be courageous enough to apologize for everything.

But Liam just flinches away from him, taking a step away for Zayn.

“It’s okay. I- Um… I- Thank you I guess?”

Zayn nods at him. “Okay well, goodnight then,” and he starts to turn around to go back to his own common room, a bit defeated by the other boy’s reaction but Liam just stays there and talks again, “Ugh! Why do I keep embarrassing myself in front of you?!” He looks so frustrated at himself, hands in his hair, pulling harshly at the longer strands.

“You’re… not?” answers Zayn with a look of confusion on his face.

“Of course I am! It’s been six whole years of me looking like a right idiot. I keep dropping stuff on you and hurting you and when I’m not, all I can do is yell at you because the moment you look at me I forget who the hell I am every single time. My friends from Quidditch are jerks to you all the time and I can’t do anything about it because I’m scared of how you might react. _Christ!_ I don’t even know what to do since that kiss in fourth year and how you pushed me away like I was disgusting, like it was some kind of twisted joke for you. I can’t act like myself when you’re around Zayn haven’t you notice yet? All I can do is act like a complete fool and make you hate me even more. I feel so miserable and pathetic right now because you ran after me to apologize when it’s me who should say sorry to you.  And I’m so angry at myself all the time because it’s my fault if you hate me, of course it is. I gave you every reason to hate me and --”

Woah. What is happening right now? Zayn is completely lost and he is probably sure that Liam can’t think all the things he just said to him, “What do you mean by “I can’t act like myself when you’re around?”

“Have you seen your face lately, Zayn? You’re like the most beautiful boy I have ever seen and it’s worse every year. You keep getting hotter and my brain short-circuits every time I focus too long on your dumb eyelashes.”

Oh. Zayn can feel his face growing hotter by the minute and his blush is probably going from his face down to his whole body now. “But you hate me?” This is unreal. He is dreaming like, he fell asleep at the dinner table and he is dreaming all of this conversation and he is going to wake up to Liam still hating him.

It can’t be possible. Liam is always yelling at him and looking at him like he is the most annoying boy in all of Hogwarts. And his mind is suddenly on that kiss in fourth year again and how hurt Liam had looked, how he wanted to ignore that look back then but now it’s all he can think about. Like Liam was sad about being rejected by Zayn...

“It’s just easier to make you think that I hate you as much as you clearly hate me.”

And that look is back upon Liam’s face, the fierceness from before is long gone and now he looks sad and defeated again and Zayn does the only thing he can think about to make that look go away (and maybe because a big part of him really, really wants to).

He crosses the few little steps between Liam and him and just kisses him. Pulling on his robes to get him closer, to feel every inch of him. It doesn’t matter if Liam doesn’t kiss him back, because for once, he takes what he wants. And a part of himself is still surprised about the fact that he wants _Liam_ that bad but he just shuts it up by biting into the addictive fullness of Liam’s bottom lip.

It’s like that bite suddenly brings Liam back to life because he starts kissing back, wrapping an arm tightly around Zayn’s waist to pull him up a bit and walking them back a few steps until Zayn’s back hits the wall of the corridor and just in time, Liam’s hand goes behind his head to prevent him to hit it against the cold rocks. That hand goes quickly from gentle to a bit rough though as Liam starts to pull into the longer strands at the back of his skull, and Zayn can't help but moan because of it, opening his lips for Liam’s tongue.

His hands quickly find the hem of Liam’s shirt and he pulls it out of his trousers because he just needs to feel his skin against his own and he knows his hold must be painfully tight onto Liam’s hips but he can’t let go.

It’s like Liam wants them to mold into the wall with how much he pushes against Zayn and the worst thing is that he can’t even feel the hardness or the coldness of the rocks when Liam’s skin feels so delicious under his fingertips, when he can feel the goosebumps he is giving him and when their mouths and tongues are just devouring each other.

Liam is the first one to stop kissing, to go back for air, and Zayn should be embarrassed by the needy whine escaping his lips but he is not, not when that was the best fucking kiss he ever had. Liam drops his head to Zayn’s shoulder, pushing his face against his throat and leaving a few biting kisses there, as they both try to slow down their heart beats and their breathing.

“Liam,” Zayn finally speaks, and it’s barely a whisper, but the other boy goes stiff against him and he takes a few steps away a bit too quickly for Zayn’s liking. He is scared about the fact that Liam pretty much looks like he regrets that kiss when all Zayn wants is to do it again. He feels cold, without Liam’s warm body pressed against his own. He feels sore because of the way the rocks are pushing against his back.

He feels even colder watching Liam mumble a few words sounding a lot like _Good night, Zayn_ and walking away from him. He is completely frozen later that night when he gets to bed and he wonders if he will ever feel warm again without Liam’s body against his own.

 

-*-

 

It’s all he can think about. Liam’s lips, Liam’s hands, Liam, Liam, _Liam_.

They are together at almost every meal and they have classes together and Zayn kind of understands now what Liam talked about, how he can’t be himself around him because that is exactly how he is feeling too now. Now that he knows the taste and feel of Liam’s lips against his own, he needs it more than he needs his coffee in the morning, it’s addictive.

Unfortunately, Liam is avoiding him, like nothing changed. He is barely looking at him and the very few times that he does, it’s with bright red cheeks and sparkling eyes and it’s enough to make Zayn’s stomach swoop with want.

The others are not really suspicious of what happened because they still avoid looking at each other or talking to each other but for the first time in seven years at Hogwarts, that is not what Zayn wants. He wants them to talk about what happened and he wants to ask if it can maybe happen again.

It’s like Liam feels it, every time Zayn wants to be alone with him and talk, because he always has stuff to do, people to meet or some Quidditch practices. By the end of the week though, Louis gives them both those kind of looks like he has a pretty good idea of what happened between them and also by the end of the week, Zayn is going crazy with it all. He can’t concentrate in class, he can’t concentrate on his homework, all he wants to do is kiss Liam again.

And he does.

On Friday, after Liam’s last period, he waits for him and pushes him into a dark and empty classroom, Liam grabs for his wand instantly, saying, “ _Lumos!_ ” and they are suddenly bathed in light, just enough to look into each other’s eyes. “Zayn? W-What do you want?”

Zayn closes the distance between them, walking Liam backward until the other boy’s back hits a desk and he doesn’t stop until he stands between his legs. “Just shut up and kiss me, Liam.”

Zayn thinks that he sees a smile on Liam’s face just before he whispers, “ _Nox_ ,” and everything around them is darkness again. But he doesn’t have much time to think about it because Liam’s lips are finally against his own again and he is not ashamed of the whimper in his throat because he has waited a whole week for this to happen again. Liam sits on the desk and pulls at Zayn’s tie until they are chest to chest and his strong arm goes around Zayn’s waist to keep him in place.

Zayn loves to play with Liam’s hair and he loves even more the reactions he gets from him every time he pulls a little harder. He loves how strong and hard Liam’s body is even though his lips are tender and his skin is probably the softest Zayn has ever touched. They kiss until they are out of breath and even then, they leave marks all over each others’ throats and Zayn swears he feels his heart tremble with the feel of Liam’s teeth on his collarbones.

Zayn doesn’t know how long they stay here kissing but suddenly they are disturbed by a loud noise in the corridor and when they finally disentangled from each other and make their way to the Great Hall for dinner, neither Louis, Harry or Niall are still there and there is barely any food on the tables. They separate without a word, only shy smiles and cheeks as pink as their ruined lips before sitting at their respective house’s table to grab a bit of dinner before the the food gets cleaned up.

And just like that, kissing Liam Payne becomes the easiest thing in Zayn’s life. Just a look at Liam and they are both sneaking out of dinner, classes (not that often because Zayn has good grades to maintain) the library, parties... Just a look and they find an empty corner dark enough for them to make out without getting caught.

The only problem is that Liam is some kind of vampire and has a thing for leaving marks all over Zayn and thank God it’s winter now so he can wear bigger jumpers and scarves around his neck to hide any traces of Liam’s mouth on his skin.

He does look at those marks in the mirror before going to bed, though, and he is a bit in love with how good they look against his darker skin. He can feel himself shiver just brushing his fingers against them, memories of Liam’s mouth bursting in his head and sending a hot wave of arousal all over himself.

There is, of course another problem about them - they don’t talk. Like, at all. Apart from the words exchanged during their make out sessions, they don’t talk. They talk even less than before which is quite surprising for the number of times Zayn has Liam’s tongue down his throat.

The other boys know by then, that is quite obvious with the way they are looking at them and also they have suddenly stopped trying to help them get along. But Zayn… Zayn wants to talk to Liam. He wants to know what it means for him because it starts to mean something to Zayn.

He is not ready to put a name on that thing. He is quite scared of it, to be honest. To admit that he wants Liam to talk with him, wants to hear about his day, about his Quidditch practices, about his family. That he maybe wants to spend some time with him where they don’t kiss. That he wants to cuddle with him, hug him, he wants to hold his hand for fuck sake and Zayn really doesn’t know how to deal with all those feelings.

It takes Zayn a few weeks. A few weeks of sneaking out of the common room at night, of hiding in empty classrooms to taste the sweetness of pumpkin juice on Liam's tongue. It takes a few weeks of heavy butterflies flying around in Zayn's stomach, of trails of goosebumps left behind by Liam's expert fingers against the small of his back and on the sensitive skin of his ribs. It takes a few weeks for Zayn to finally remember what happened in fifth year.

 

-*-

 

Zayn was in _detention_. Zayn Malik, who follows pretty much all the rules of Hogwarts (or tries to because it’s a bit hard when you are best friend with Louis Tomlinson) is in _detention_! And it was a little bit because of Louis, but mostly because of Liam Payne. Again! Ravenclaw lost a hundred points because of him, and he was not as furious at Louis as he first was because even though he wasn’t in detention with him, he did tell McGonagall it was also his fault and she did took a hundred points from Slytherin too.

But Liam, Liam had been a coward and ran away and if he had tried to explain to Headmistress McGonagall that it was also his fault she probably wouldn’t have believed him anyway. Stupid golden boy being Quidditch captain and the favorite of every single teachers of Hogwarts.

He knew as soon as he heard the first explosions the night before that it was Liam and Louis. He remembered vividly seeing them both at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes in the fireworks section a few weeks back and when he woke up that night, startled by some loud banging noises, he just knew deep down that everybody would end up in a lot of trouble.

They had the brilliant idea to attach some fireworks to their brooms and fly around the Quidditch Pitch and as Zayn finally reached the pitch, still in his pyjama bottoms with a huge blanket thrown over his shoulders, it was to see, in pure horror, that one of the stands was on fire, like one of them had flown too close to it.

Both boys were nowhere to be found and it’s, of course, the moment Headmistress McGonagall chose to stumble next to him, still in her sleeping gown as well. It’s Zayn she caught on the pitch, looking at the burning structure, so of course it’s Zayn that she put in detention the next day.

Louis told him that Liam had flown too close to the stand and that he was the one that had set it on fire. And for months after the incident, Zayn had felt like setting Liam on fire himself every time they saw each other down the corridors and the coward wasn’t even looking at him, like he was ashamed of it himself. Good for him, Zayn thought, he should be. He would have maybe forgive Liam if he had just apologize but of course, he didn’t. He never did.

 

-*-

 

The worst thing, thinking back about the incident now is that Zayn knows in himself that Liam is forgiven, now. He understands why Liam had ran away that day and why he probably didn’t apologize. His words are still fresh and clear into Zayn’s mind. Why do I always act like an idiot when you’re around and most of all I can’t act like myself.

Zayn understands that, being in Liam’s shoes back then, when they were both completely certain about hating each other, that he would probably have ran away and avoided Liam as well. And that realisation is a big surprise for Zayn. He was so mad at Liam back then. Every other incident was a bit silly but that one, being in detention for the first time ever and having his house lose so many points… He was furious at Liam, wanted to break his freaking broom in two or set all his Quidditch gear on fire so he could never play again…

But he is still not certain about what the feelings between them are now, because they never talk about it. He knows for sure that there is a lot of lust for the way Liam kisses and touches him. He knows about his own attraction too because nobody ever made him feel so good before.

Every single time Liam’s fingers are on his skin he feels like he is going to explode with how perfect it feels. He goes crazy with how soft and gentle his hands are but how, at the same time, they are possessive and demanding. Like he wants so much of Zayn but is too scared to ask.

Every time he tries to talk to Liam, Zayn gets his mouth shut by Liam’s lips devouring his own like he is scared Zayn is going to ask him to stop. He doesn’t want it to stop. If he could just drop out of school and spend his days kissing Liam, he probably would. But he wants to learn to know the boy, he wants to learn what’s in his head because he is pretty familiar with every bit of Liam’s body by now.

He wants to know if he is in there somewhere, in Liam’s heart, in his mind too. He wants to know if he thinks about Zayn as much as he thinks about Liam as soon as they are not together, kissing and touching…

Everything is all over the place really. You’re supposed to crave intimacy with someone you like, you’re supposed to dream about the taste of their mouths and tongues, the feel of their hands on your body…

But Zayn already knows all of those things about Liam. In his bed at night, he ends up thinking about Liam’s favorite ice cream, if he loves cuddling and if he would do it with him, in front of the fireplace in their Common Rooms, hidden under a warm blanket as Zayn is reading him one of his favorite book.

And it’s driving him completely mad how much he wants those things when just a month ago, all he wanted to do was to never see Liam again, wanted him to leave his table and his own damn friends alone. But even thinking about it now, he knows that all of this hating thing between them was a lie from the very start. That all he wanted was for Liam to like him and maybe both of them just handled in the most terrible of ways all those unfortunate events happening to them in the past few years.

 

-*-

 

The next time they end up sneaking out together, Zayn puts one hand on Liam’s chest, stopping him before they start kissing. He takes Liam’s hand in his free one, intertwining their fingers together and softly rubs the pad on his thumb against Liam’s knuckles. He revels in the way their skin tones look together, like two different shades of caramel complimenting each other.

“Zayn?” there is worry in Liam’s voice but he squeezes Zayn’s hand into his own anyway.

”I’m sorry,” says Zayn, not much louder than a whisper, letting his hand drops from Liam’s chest to softly wrap around his arm, “I’m sorry for your arm in second year.” He moves his hand from Liam’s arm to cup his cheek and he runs the tip of a finger along Liam’s bottom lip, “and for the way I pushed you away in fourth year.” His fingers are quickly replaced by his lips, just a soft peck against Liam’s lips. “And for all the bad things I told you all over those years. I’m sorry.”

Liam smiles like he is relieved by Zayn’s words and the worry on his face is now gone, replaced by a beautiful smile. “I am too. Mostly for that detention in fifth year. I felt so bad I didn’t even know how to apologize. I was certain that if I tried to talk to you, you would probably rip my head off.”

“I did want to, back then. But you’re forgiven now. I understand that you were scared of me, which is completely ridiculous by the way, I’m not scary.”

“You’re completely terrifying. At least to me.”

He looks so serious, speaking those words, that’s probably the most surprising thing about it, also Zayn never thought he could be scary to anyone. Never thought he would have so much effect on someone else but then, Liam was making his head spin so fast, his heart beat so hard that he kind of understands what the other boy is talking about.

“Would you… Would you go on a date with me? A proper one. I would like to learn to know you, Liam. Not just your body but you know, what’s inside too.”

“Really?” Zayn sees the same little boy he saw in first year then, the little boy so amazed by the magical ceiling and the sorting hat. He sees just as much surprise into Liam’s eyes that he saw back then. It’s still so much to process, knowing that he is a reason for such surprise and amazement in the other boy’s eyes.

“Of course, silly. Now say yes please, because I’m starting to panic just a little bit over here.”

And the way Liam kisses him is enough of an answer, it can’t be anything but a big bright _yes_! with how perfect that kiss feels. Zayn would even say that it is maybe the best one they exchanged yet because it means something. It’s more than sexual tension and anger and lust. It means so much more, it means everything.

 

-*-

 

Maybe it’s a bit cheesy, but Zayn invites Liam to come to the library with him on Saturday night. He stops by the kitchens and bring all kinds of food the elves gave him, from sweets to some meat and pumpkin juice of course, hiding everything into his backpack. He casts a spell on everything to keep it to the right temperature too, pushing his wand into his back pocket once he’s done.

He knows the Hogwarts Library probably better than any other students from the amount of time he spends here. It’s just his favorite place in all the castle really. He knows the secrets places and the aisles with the best books and also, he knows where to sit to work and study in peace, without being disturbed by any other students or even the librarian himself.

That’s what he wants for once, with Liam, calm and peace. He doesn’t want them to fight and yell at each other and he knows that it’s been weeks since the last conflict between them but still… There is a tiny bit of fear at the bottom of Zayn’s stomach.

He wanted to bring Liam to one of the places he likes the most because yes, he wants to know Liam better but that kind of things works both ways right? He wants Liam to know him too. He wants Liam to like him and it’s crazy thinking about it and he can’t help the smile stretching across his lips as he repeats those words in his head. I want Liam Payne to _like_ me.

So he walks to his spot, to the place where the library is a bit darker at night and where all the candles makes it bright enough for him to see his books and tonight, bright enough to see Liam’s eyes he hopes, to watch them shine under the flames surrounding them.

There are some comfortable chairs in that part of the room, some old things covered in some soft velvety fabric of a dark purple and they are so comfortable Zayn tries not to stay in them too long because it’s easy to fall asleep in them. It would be perfect for tonight, giving them just enough of intimacy and comfort. Zayn knows that, if everything goes like he planned, it would be the best date ever for him, and he wishes that Liam would like it just as much.

He sits in one of the big purple chairs and starts to take out the food from his backpack because Liam must be about to join him. He told Liam seven pm and when he walked in front of the big clock above the librarian’s desk a few minutes ago he saw that it was almost time.

He plays nervously with the buttons of his plaid shirt, the red and black one. It’s a bit too big on him but is his favorite one, anyway. It’s warm and comfortable and for one stupid second, he can’t help but think that Liam makes him feel exactly the same way. That the flannel against his skin feels just as soft and pleasant than when Liam’s fingers slips under his clothes. He plays a bit with his rings too and with his silver necklace. He knows he is fidgety when he is nervous and he can’t help it, can’t help that fear slowly setting in his stomach as the minutes passed without any sign of Liam.

He picks a bit of bread and tries to eat a few bites as he waits but it falls into his stomach like he is eating pebbles and he quickly feels sick with it all.

As he watches the candles around him burn, he thinks about the previous week. How Liam was so cheerful, how he even talked to Zayn at dinner in front of all the others and how he made him laugh, their three friends looking at them with surprise. How that surprise quickly turned into some knowing smiles exchanged between them.

He thinks about how the days passed with Liam being less cheerful and more awkward and hesitant and how yesterday, as Zayn has tried to push him into the broom closet next to the Divination class, Liam had pushed him away, shaking his head. The smile on his face was anything but genuine when he told Zayn, “Keep if for tomorrow.”

But the hours pass, and the candles are almost burned all the way down and Zayn is still alone in the back of the library, with all that food in front of him. The hours pass and Liam never shows up.

In the silence of the room, Zayn quickly picks up all of his things, shoving them back into his backpack. The only sound he hears, the only thing louder than silence, is the sound that his heart makes as it slowly but surely cracks inside of his chest. Another scar, another battle wound. He got a lot of them before, but surprisingly, this one feels worse than the others. He leaves the room, feeling hollow and cold and he is not even strong enough to feel angry at Liam.

 

-*-

 

On Sunday, he stays in his room all day, not even going down to eat, asking his roommate Danny to bring him some food. He doesn’t want to see anyone, he is not ready. Not ready to show how bad Liam is affecting him, how sad and broken he feels when a few months ago, he was still certain of how much he hated the guy.

“Payne asked for you. Since when are you two friends?” Danny asks him as he enters the room with a plate full of food.

“We’re not.”

“I don’t know what happened between you two man, but he was looking even more miserable than you are.”

A few hours later, as he is looking at the moon, shining through his curtains, the door of his dorm opens, and he feels someone climbing into his bed, long arms wrapping around his waist, soft curls tickling at his neck. Harry stays silent for a while, just cuddling him and holding him close, showing him comfort in his own perfect way.

“How did you get in? You need to answer the eagle’s riddle.”

“Like I can’t answer those, Z. Being a Hufflepuff doesn’t mean I’m dumb, you know. Now just shut up and cuddle with me.”

 

-*-

 

On Monday morning, when Zayn wakes up, Harry is gone but there is one big chocolate muffin on his bedside table and he knows that it’s a gift from his friend. He eats it, still in bed, trying to find some courage to just get up, put some clothes on and face the world.

He is going to see Liam today, he knows it. They have classes together and he can’t believe what Danny told him the day before, that Liam was looking miserable. He is probably just fine, waiting for Zayn to show up so he can tell him, “Yeah man, you know, us? That was one big mistake, right?”

Louis is waiting for him outside the Ravenclaw common room, and for the first time since him and Louis became friends, the Slytherin boy looks like he is lost for words. Like he has no idea how to deal with Zayn and it’s a weird thing because Louis is probably the only person who can understand him.

“Hey, love,” he says to him, his voice quiet and careful like he is talking to some kind of scared animal. “Will you tell me what happened? Because Liam doesn’t want to talk and you look like you failed all of your N.E.W.T.s man….”

“Asked him on a date. He stood me up. Should have known it was a bad idea.”

“ _HE DID WHAT_?! But he told me he was excited about it!”

“Well, not excited enough to actually show up. Can we stop talking about it so I can go back to hating him? It was easier…”

“We can stop talking about it for now, yeah, but I won’t let you do the second part, Z. You two need to talk.”

“Leave it, okay? I’m done with him.”

Louis does leave it, walking him to his classroom, giving him a tight hug before turning around and walking to his own class. Zayn takes a big breath, trying to find a bit of courage and the first person he sees when he enters the room, of course, is Liam. He is sitting in the front row, alone, his head resting onto his folded arms on top of the table.

“Zayn, come here.” It’s Niall’s voice, coming from behind him and he wraps an arm around Zayn’s shoulder, pulling him closer to him and walking them both to an empty table where they sit in silence for a few moments.

But Niall easily catches him looking at Liam again. “He was stupid but you’re hurt so I’m taking care of you right now. I’ll take care of him later.”

Zayn didn’t cry over the weekend but seeing how all of his friends are taking care of him, maybe he feels a bit emotional right now. He feels grateful for having such nice friends but also, looking at the slump of Liam’s shoulders and how rumpled his clothes and his hair looks, he believes Danny’s words. Maybe Liam is just as miserable too? Maybe Liam deserves his friends taking care of him too, and Zayn almost wishes that Harry or Louis were here doing just that. Because those boys, they are friends with Liam too, not only with Zayn.

He wishes that he could maybe stop caring about Liam in that moment, even more after what happened over the weekend but it seems like his heart has other plans.

 

-*-

 

Nothing happened between them in sixth year. No life changing memory because Zayn was too angry at Liam for that detention incident and Liam was avoiding him at all costs. And they were kind of back to the same point right now. Zayn is furious but Liam is not the one avoiding him, no, Zayn is. He is eating his dinner with his younger sisters at the Ravenclaw table now, and Niall keeps sitting with him in every class they have together, leaving Liam with Sophia even though they barely talk.

Liam looks like a lost puppy. There is no better explanation of the look on his face every time Zayn looks at him. (Because yeah, he is weak and he still does). He did try to talk to Zayn the first few days but Zayn just ignored him, walked by him without looking, shouldering his way through the other students and running away from Liam. His brown eyes are dull, like there is something missing in them and he walks looking at the ground now, when he was usually so proud, smiling and waving at everybody in the corridors.

Zayn refuses to believe it’s because of him. Liam is the one who never came to the library last week, who stood him up. He is the one who can’t look at Zayn without guilt written all over his face so, fuck Liam Payne, really. Fuck him and how sad Zayn feels every time he looks at him because he is suppose to be mad, he is suppose to be angry at him so why does he wants to hug him? Wants to hold him in his arms so they can both finally feel better?

 

-*-

 

Zayn is walking outside the castle, going to his usual smoking spot because he needs a bit of time alone. He loves his friends, he really does but they are all a bit too much these days, like they don’t want to leave him alone and like they have to make sure he is okay at every single minute of the day. He is fine. He is not the first boy with a broken heart.

He needs an escape though. Right now, he needs some time to be alone and to feel miserable, just a few moments with himself and his own sorrow.

But as he almost reaches Hogwarts’ greenhouse, he hears voices and one of them is Louis’, which is totally normal because his friend is usually the one he smokes with, but the other voice is Liam’s. Zayn just wants to turn away and go back to the castle because speaking to them, speaking to Liam is the last thing he wants to do right now.

“I hope you know that you fucked up like, big time, man! Zayn doesn’t trust easily and you just… _really_ fucked up.”

“I know, okay? Seems like it’s the only thing I can do, fuck things up between us.”

The sound of Liam’s voice is kind of muffled like he is hiding his face in his hands or something but even then, Zayn can hear how desperate he sounds.

“We’re all going to Hogsmeade this weekend, ask him to come with you, turn this into some kind of cheesy cute date, I don’t know. Zayn, he has a good head on his shoulders, man. If you explain to him he is going to understand.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

“Well, you’re definitely fucked and you just lost the love of your life because of your stupid fears, Payne.”

Zayn doesn’t want to hear more and he also doesn’t want to acknowledge how fast his heart is banging in his chest because of the words “Love of your life.” He goes back to the castle, his cigarette long forgotten as he almost runs back to his dorm room. He is so frustrated when he finally falls face first on his bed, punching his pillows and yelling into them. Liam stood him up, so why on earth does he look and feel so devastated about it all? Nothing makes sense.

The rational part of himself is telling him that Louis talked about Liam’s reasons and that he should probably listen to the boy. But the other part of him is completely freaking out, because what if those reasons are like, “it was a mistake” or “it felt better hating you.”

Like always, when a heart and a brain are fighting on something, it’s never the right part that ends up winning the battle.

 

-*-

 

“No.”

“No?”

“No Liam, I don’t feel like going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, I’m sorry.”

“But the boys --”

Zayn walks away before he can hear the end of Liam’s sentence and he feels like a right jerk again doing that, but he is knackered. He is so exhausted about this whole week and about being sad and worried and just thinking about being alone with Liam scares him. He just wants to stay alone in the castle tomorrow, read some books, work on his homework. He wants peace and it’s been too long since he’s gotten some.

He knows that he wants to give Liam some time and that he will eventually he just… he doesn’t know when he’s going to be ready.

The next morning he stays in bed and waits for all his roommates to wake up and leave before he gets out of bed himself. He keeps his old sweatpants he slept in on and throws a hoodie on top of his old white tank top, pushing a beanie Louis forgot here a few nights back on his sleep rumpled hair.

He walks down the stairs to the Common Room and sees that only a few girls had stayed back at the Castle, all of them already working on school work, giving him little smiles as he passes next to them. He decides to walk to the kitchens as he feels his stomach grumble with hunger.

Hogwarts is almost empty, the students all enjoying one of their last pleasurable trips to Hogsmeade before the biting cold of winter hits the English grounds. Zayn enjoys the silence of the cold corridors, thinking about the good breakfast he is going to have. What he finds, as he pushes the kitchen doors is quite surprising though, because Liam is in here, standing tall in the middle of all the little kitchen elves, eating a bowl of cereal.

“I was almost thinking that you decided to stay in bed all day,” the boy says the moment their eyes meet. His voice is soft and shy, like he is not sure if Zayn wants to talk with him, like he is scared Zayn is going to turn around and go back upstairs.

“Was hungry,” and with those words, a cute kitchen elf puts a steaming cup of coffee in his hand as another one grabs some chocolate muffins from a box.

“How do you do that? I had to make everything myself.”

“They love me,” and he swears he wanted those words to sound like a joke but the hurt in his voice is clear as day and Liam looks away with guilt painting his lovely face. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were going to Hogsmeade with the boys.”

“I wanted to stay here with you. Spend the day with you.”

“Liam, I --”

“No. _Please_ , Zayn, give me today. I know I messed up okay? I know I did and I know you’re angry. I totally understand why. But just give me today and then, at the end of the day, if you don’t want me well, I’ll leave you alone. Promise.”

He is looking at Zayn again and the guilt is gone from his face, replaced by a hopeful expression with just a little bit of fear in his eyes. His hair is pulled up neatly into a soft looking quiff and he shaved too, his round cheeks soft and inviting. He wears a wool jumper of a nice cream color on top of a pair of nice looking blue jeans without any holes on the knees and his usual brown boots. He looks like he tried to look good for Zayn and the anger inside of him softens just a little, replaced by a hot wave of fondness for that stupid boy.

“Okay. Let me change, though,” says Zayn, gesturing at his old sweatpants, his mouth still full of a bite of his chocolate muffin.

Liam, almost looks surprised by his positive answer and just nods his head quickly, biting around a smile. One of the elves pulls on the sleeve of his jumper, grabbing his empty bowl of cereal to go and clean it and when Liam says thank you, the little thing gives him a smile before walking back to where it came from. “My dorm is empty today. We can go back to my room and hang out?”

Zayn nods his head and before he turns around to go back into his own dorm to take a quick shower and change, Liam speaks again “Please don’t take revenge on me and stand me up too, Zayn. I really want you to give me that second chance.”

He just nods his head, suddenly lost for words at the sound of desperation coating Liam’s ones and walks back to the Ravenclaw Tower. The girls are still in there and laughs a bit at him as he almost runs to the bathroom to take a shower and then back upstairs into his room to change. He tries a bit harder to find some nice things to wear, remembering how good Liam looked in the kitchen earlier. He doesn’t have time to shave but he likes the bit of beard on his face, thinks he looks better with it anyway.

He puts his favourite pair of black jeans on and pushes that beanie back on top of his still damp hair before turning around to look at himself in the mirror, still shirtless with his chest heaving fast. Maybe it’s because he is in a hurry, running around in his room trying to find something decent to wear or maybe it’s Liam. Maybe it’s the prospect of seeing him again, or giving him that second chance he wants so bad and knowing that, he wants to give it to him and he wants it to work this time. Maybe he is nervous, and by the heavy blush on his face going all the way down to his chest well, yeah, Zayn thinks he is really fucking nervous right now.

He opens his drawer and puts a black tank top on and when he turns around, he spots the red and black plaid shirt he wore last week, still hanging from his bed where he threw it when he came back, angry and heart broken. Without thinking, he picks it and puts it on over his tank top, wishing that his favorite shirt will be luckier to him this time. He puts some boots on, a few rings, a necklace and then is running down those stairs again.

“Have a nice date, Zayn!” he hears the girls say as he passes next to them again and he just waves at them, biting hard on his lip to keep his mouth shut or maybe to stop the smile threatening to light up his whole face.

He wants to run down the corridor but he calms down enough to walk to the Gryffindor common room (a pretty powerful walk if you ask him, but still, he walks). Liam is waiting for him, next to the Fat Lady portrait and he tries to hide his relief as he turns around and sees Zayn but it doesn’t work so well. Zayn sees the way the tension in his shoulders suddenly eases and how the frown on his face quickly disappear.

Liam mutters the password to the The Fat Lady and then lets Zayn enter the room before him, climbing the narrow staircase. He is well aware of Liam right behind him, a warm, reassuring presence. It hits him then, like a wall of brick, how much Zayn has missed him in the last few days, how being angry at him, and pretending to hate him was exhausting. How, weirdly enough, Liam’s presence already feels a tiny bit like home.

_Stop_. The boy kind of broke his heart, though, less than a week ago and the hope going through his veins right now with every single beat of his heart could fix it or break it completely all over again. Even if Zayn wants nothing more than to trust Liam again, he needs to be careful.

Up the stairs, they arrive into the common room which, unlike Zayn’s, is completely empty, the fire burning bright in the foyer, giving a nice warm glow to the room.

There are a few staircases leading to different dorms and Liam goes to the bottom of one of those, asking Zayn to wait for him a few minutes. He climbs them quickly, leaving Zayn alone in the middle of the red and gold decorated room. He looks around to the different sized couches and dark mahogany tables, thinking that apart from the colors, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor towers look pretty much alike.

“Zayn? You can come upstairs now.”

Zayn does, holding himself with a palm on each of the walls because his legs suddenly feel a bit shaky. Up the stairs, there are a few doors but only one of them is open and when Zayn walks into Liam’s room, he feels like his heart’s stopped in his chest. All the burgundy curtains of the other beds are closed apart from Liam’s bed in the middle of the room and that bed is surrounded by candles, a few dozens of candles making a glowing circle around it.

Liam sits on the middle of it looking at him expectantly but his face falls quickly as Zayn stays silent, completely speechless because of the scene in front of him. Liam’s hair looks like gold in the smooth glimmer of the candles and that light is also making his eyes brighter. Zayn is neither disappointed nor embarrassed by Liam’s big romantic gesture. He just can’t believe any of this is real.  Can’t believe how easily he had forgiven Liam just now.

“I - Is it too much? I can - We can blow off the candles and just open the light if you want I--” And he is about to get up the bed to do just that and the blush on his cheeks looks almost painful, speaking with a hand rubbing at the back of his neck like it will ease his embarrassment.

“Liam,” Zayn says, as he climbs on Liam’s bed with him, putting one comforting hand on his thigh, “Everything is fine. You’re fine.”

“I’m so bad at this,” but Liam speaks those words to his own lap, avoiding Zayn’s eyes, playing nervously with the the sleeves of his jumper.

Zayn puts one of his hands on top of Liam’s to make him stop and the other comes to rest softly on his cheek, rubbing comforting circles on the smooth, warm skin, “You’re not, Liam. I’m the one who asked you for a date first, remember? I guess it means I’m more than fine with spending some time with you.”

“You’re not mad at me anymore?”

“I am, just a little. And I also want some explanations, some apologies too. But it looks like I can’t stay away from you even if I want to.”

“I don’t understand…” Zayn frowns, looking at Liam because what? He doesn’t understand that Zayn wants explanation? “I don’t understand how you want to be with _me_. I just don’t get it, Zayn. Since day one, I’ve been a right jerk, acted like a fool when I was next to you. All I’ve done was make mistakes and hurt you. I pushed you in the corridors when all I wanted was to hold you in my arms... You asked me on a date and I didn’t even show up because I was too scared and you’re still here. You look at me like you care, like you think I’m some kind of beautiful and it’s scary because I’m not… You’re going to be a successful wizard someday Zayn when the only thing good thing I can do is play Quidditch...”

“Liam! What the hell are you talking about? I broke your arm for fuck’s sake! I’ve been a right jerk to you, too. We were both stupid. Why are you taking all the blame on all of our misunderstandings, suddenly?”

“Because some day, you’ll see that I’m not good enough for you…”

Zayn’s ears are ringing, Liam’s words going on a loop in his mind. He can’t believe what Liam just said to him. Those fears can’t be true. It’s not possible.

“Liam! Don’t say that.”

“In fourth year, when you pushed me away. Everything made sense, all the feelings I was having for you, I know they were unrequited but I had to try anyway. I was drunk and I saw you in that corridor and I told myself, “Why not?” I was heartbroken for weeks, but it was okay, you couldn’t like me back. I knew it, anyway. This year when you kissed me again, I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was some kind of a one time thing, like you thought you owed me or something. But then, you came back, you kissed me again and again… But you didn’t tell anyone, so I thought I was some kind of dirty little secret, that I was just a bit of fun.

When you asked me on that date, Zayn it was like a dream but then… I messed up every single thing between us since year one, so how could that date go well, right? I started to freak out, enough that I wasn’t able to leave my room on Saturday. I couldn’t go on a date with you knowing that I would ruin it, that you would realize I’m just a loser in a Quidditch captain outfit…”

Zayn shuts him up by climbing onto his lap, straddling him with one leg on either side of Liam’s hips. He tickles a few fingers under Liam’s chin, a silent request for him to look up and into Zayn’s eyes.

“When I care too much about something, Liam, about someone, I get so scared that I act like an arsehole. I hate not having control of my own emotions and since we’re eleven years old, that’s all you do. I was confused about you for so long, Liam. My feelings are all over the place since I first laid eyes on you, all those years ago, that cute little boy with bright red cheeks who couldn’t believe he got sent into Gryffindor. You don’t have to say what is or isn’t enough for me, babe, only I can decide that. I pushed you away after that first kiss because I swear my heart would have exploded with how much I wanted you, and it was so scary. It looks like we are both terrified of each other and we can’t keep it that way. You need to be brave, we need to be brave together and there isn’t any other person I want to be brave with, babe. It’s been you since day one and I’m just as surprised about it but it’s the truth. You have to believe that.”

Liam wraps his arms around Zayn’s, buries his head in his chest and holds on tight, “I’m stupid,” he mumbles into the fabric of Zayn’s tank top.

Zayn runs his fingers in his hair, down his back, trying to comfort him as best as he can. “A bit, yeah.”

Liam snaps his head up, looking at Zayn with a wounded look on his face.“Heeeey. I’m joking babe. What you did was stupid yeah, but you’re not.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I do understand your reasons, doesn’t mean I agree with them, but I understand. I knew that messing around without talking about our feelings was a bad idea.”

“I was afraid to talk… I’m not suppose to feel such strong things for you when we barely talk to each other apart from when we fight.”

Zayn rests his forehead against Liam’s then, their lips almost touching. His hands are still rubbing circles on Liam’s back while Liam’s ones are now resting softly on Zayn’s hips. “The things I feel are just as strong, babe. I can’t help it, you’re quite hot when you’re angry.”

That does make Liam laugh then, the atmosphere suddenly lighter, and they both smile into each other’s mouth as their lips finally meet in one messy kiss. Zayn pushes at Liam’s shoulder until he is on his back and then he drops on his side, intertwining their legs together as he rests his head on Liam’s chest.

“I really am sorry, Zayn,” Liam whispers in the fabric of Zayn’s beanie.

“You’re forgiven because this is quite a nice date so far. It’s almost making up for last week.”

Liam stays quiet, only wrapping his arms tighter around Zayn’s torso and when he looks up at Liam, the other boy’s eyes are closed, a painful expression on his face. “Heeeey, I was joking. Please stop worrying okay? I forgive you, Liam. It’s okay.”

“Maybe I won’t worry anymore if I can have another kiss?”

“Cheeky!” But Zayn does just that, craning his head back to reach Liam’s lips and catching the full bottom one between his own. They kiss for what feels like hours before Zayn falls asleep, feeling dizzy with his lips almost numb from Liam’s demanding ones.

 

-*-

 

Zayn wakes up a few hours later to Liam’s hands under his shirt, rubbing softly on his bare skin, and Liam’s lips on his hair, his beanie lost in the mess of limbs and warm sheets. His face is still pressed against Liam’s hard chest and he slowly awakes listening to the slow rhythm of his heart.

“Hey sleepy head.”

Zayn looks up at Liam, asking how long he slept for, his dark fringe falling into his eyes and mixing with his eyelashes and Liam’s hand comes up slowly to brush those few strands away, making something pleasant swoop in Zayn’s stomach. “About an hour, but it’s okay. I think I slept a bit too.”

“I’m sorry. I fell asleep on our date.”

“Hey. That date isn’t done yet and don’t act like napping isn’t totally your kind of date.”

Zayn just laughs, shaking his head and hiding his burning cheeks in Liam’s chest again.  It’s a nice chest, it’s hard, yes, but at the same time, it’s warm and soft and he is already a bit addicted to the feeling of those arms wrapped around him. He needs to admit that yes, spending a whole day napping with Liam, surrounded by that comforting warmth always radiating from him, by his spicy cologne making him almost dizzy with how good it smells… It does sounds like the perfect kind of date.

Liam kisses his hair again. “Can I show you something?”

“Of course.” Zayn’s words are a bit muffled in the soft fabric of Liam’s jumper, like he is about to fall asleep again. The other boy sits up, though, forcing Zayn to disentangle his tired limbs from him and he whines with how cold he suddenly feels without the other boy pressed against him. Liam picks a box from under the bed and puts it between them.

“When I was younger, before I even knew that magic was real, I used to read those.”

Inside the box, there is lot of what looks like thin books with brightly colored drawings on them. What surprises Zayn the most is that the covers are not moving like on those Wizard books he is used to. They must be some kind of Muggle books. He takes the first one in his hand, a tall man in a black suit on the cover, and his suit looks a bit like a bat.

“That one is Batman. He is my favourite.”

“What are those exactly?”

“They’re called comic books, some were made into movies too. Bruce… I mean Batman, this one. He doesn’t have any powers apart from his own strength, but some of them have special abilities. Like, Superman, he comes from another planet, and so does the Green Lantern. It was my kind of magic when I was a kid, before I realized that magic was real, you know.”

It hits Zayn then, and it’s so sudden he almost feels his breath stop with the impact. It hits him just how vulnerable Liam is right now. How all this cockiness he shows when he flies on his broom above the Quidditch pitch or when he hangs with his teammates, it’s like a mask. What Zayn saw for all those years, what he hated, was that mask, that armor he is hiding behind when, in fact, he is just as scared and insecure as every other boy, that he is just as human as Zayn is.

“And you kept them? Even if you have to live and practice real magic now?”

“It’s still a part of me, I guess.”

Zayn launches forward and kisses him, holding his face between his hands and Liam wraps his own around Zayn’s waist and he can’t stop. He can’t stop kissing those lips and enjoying the soft moans leaving Liam’s mouth every time their tongues meet. He can’t stop kissing Liam because now that he knows those little parts of the real Liam Payne, nothing seems more difficult than leaving that bedroom and going back into the real world.

He sits back on his haunches but stays close to Liam anyway, still holding his face in his hands, enjoying the warmth of them beneath his palms. He looks down at Liam’s lips, stretched into a wide smile and so, so pink like the most delicious of candies. “Talk to me about them.”

And for the rest of the afternoon, Zayn is introduced to a world he never heard of before, to a part of Liam’s own world and it’s probably one of the only time he really is fascinated by something related to muggles. Well, apart from Liam of course.

 

-*-

 

Later that afternoon, as the sun starts setting in the sky, they can hear the students slowly coming back to the castle. Liam blows off all the candles around his bed and with a swift motion of his wand, all of them go back neatly into one of his drawers. The comics are still surrounding them on the bed and as Liam closes the curtains around his bed, casting a silence spell all over them, Zayn picks them all up and puts them back in the box.

“Wanna stay here a bit longer?”

Zayn only nods as an answer, laying back on the bed and pulling Liam’s body closer to his own. Their positions are reversed this time, Liam’s head resting on Zayn’s chest and he feels heavy, being a bit bigger than Zayn but that weight is nice, welcomed. It’s like a nice blanket keeping him safe and warm.

“Is it a nice date so far?”

“The best.”

Liam’s roommates are slowly coming back into his dorm because they can see shadows on the other side of the curtains but they can’t hear them, like Zayn and Liam can’t be heard either. It’s like a small bubble just for them and Zayn thinks it’s perfect.

“You’re enough, by the way. Earlier you said that you were scared of not being enough for me. You are. And you’re great at Quidditch, Liam. The best of all four Houses, if you ask me. You’re great with animals, and in Herbology. Louis loves you to pieces, and Harry and Niall too.”

“And you?”

“A bit yeah.

“Only a bit?”

Liam’s voice is filled with laughter, he can hear it and he also can feel Liam’s smile stretching softly against the fabric on his tank top. He is playing with one of Zayn’s necklaces as he listens to him talk. “Yeah. You’re quite fit too, and you have nice eyes. Your voice is warm and I like listening to it. When you kiss me I get weak in the knees every single time. And your hands, _God_! Your hands Liam, they are so big. I love them.”

With those words he feels one slipping under his shirt, fingertips playing a secret melody against the skin covering his ribs. “Everything.” The word is whispered softly into the fabric of his clothes and he almost misses it. “Mmh?”

Liam lifts his head, meeting Zayn’s eyes for a few seconds before dropping them to where their hands are intertwined on top of Zayn’s stomach, his face a nicely shade of pink suddenly, “What I like about you. It’s pretty much everything.”

It hurts in his chest, how genuine Liam’s words are. It’s like someone just injected something right into his heart, pumping it slowly into his veins, and it feels thick and sweet like maple syrup. “Liam.”

“It’s true. Driving me a bit insane in case you haven’t notice, yet.”

Later, when the hunger is too intense to ignore, they walk in the Great Hall holding each other’s hands and when they reach their table, they are greeted with their friends pulling them both into a big group hug.

“Fucking finally!” says Niall and Zayn was pretty sure there were some tears in Harry’s eyes while Louis can’t stop smiling, looking between the two of them like a proud dad or something.

They eat, mostly listening to their three other friends telling them about their day at Hogsmeade while holding hands under the table and trading secret smiles.

Their hands are still intertwined after dinner as Liam walks Zayn back to the Ravenclaw tower. They stay silent, but Zayn can’t help but send a few glances towards Liam, surprised every time to see him already looking at him and smiling. He is still a bit surprised that he is the reason for that smile. He remembers Harry’s words, about how much he wanted to make Liam laugh and smile and yeah, maybe his friend was right all along. Stupid Harry…

“So… I guess I’m gonna tell you good night then.”

“You’re not coming up with me?” Zayn is hopeful that he can maybe cuddle a bit more with Liam, share a few more kisses, sleep with him tonight. Maybe? No funny business though, he just wants to sleep in his arms because it felt so good this afternoon. Who knew, at the beginning of this year, that he would be craving Liam’s proximity that much?

Liam just shakes his head, pressing his soft lips against Zayn’s forehead. “Not tonight. M’trying to be a gentleman here, Zayn.”

“Since when?” but there is a huge smile on Zayn’s face, telling Liam that he is joking.

“Since you obviously can’t be one yourself.”

“Heeeeey.” Zayn is still smiling though, it’s like he can’t stop. There is something in Liam’s eyes, with Liam’s own smile pulling at the corner of his mouth and he can’t help it, even if his face almost hurt because of it.

“Goodnight, darling.”

Liam goes for a kiss on Zayn’s cheek but he turns his head at the last minute, pushing his lips against Liam’s and he feels the other boy laugh before sucking Zayn’s bottom lip into his mouth. The kiss turns filthy pretty quickly, with hands grabbing at each other’s clothes, exploring expanse of skin under their shirts, leaving bruises on necks and collarbones. Panting, Zayn asks, with his mouth on Liam’s birthmark, “Thought you were trying to be a gentleman.” But Liam just groans and brings their lips back together one last time.

 

-*-

 

The next week is one of the best of Zayn’s life so far. Liam is waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs of the Ravenclaw Tower every morning, holding his hand out for Zayn, his lips greeting him with a good morning kiss every single time. They walk to their shared classes together or Liam tries to walk Zayn to his own. On a few occasions, he even holds Zayn’s books for him and, on Thursday morning, when they meet a few of his teammates on their way to their Potions class, Liam doesn’t let go of his hand, holding it even tighter and greeting them with a proud smile on his face.

They still fight, of course they do, because even though hate is not the strongest feeling between them now, they still are Liam and Zayn and they still have stupid arguments over stupid stuff. But now, instead of those arguments ending in one of them storming out of the room, banging doors behind them and looking at the other with angry eyes for a week well… Now they kiss. Quite furiously.

They kiss until their lips are numb and tingling because of the other’s scruffy cheeks and neck. They kiss until eager hands slip under white shirts and dress pants, until they can’t help but leave a few bruises behind and they have to go back to class with a boner to hide and cheeks hurting with their smiles.

Zayn has to admit that sometimes, he does it on purpose, pushing Liam’s buttons, saying just the thing he knows will get him a bit angry. Zayn is kind of addicted to the look in Liam’s eyes that tell him instantly that he is in a bit of trouble, to the warm brown of them turning into dark pools of anger and want. He can’t get enough of the way he says, “Zayn,” like it’s a menace, a warning, but at the same time his favorite word in the whole world. The way Liam’s hands wrap around his waist, the way he feels small under Liam’s palms, but how at the same time, he never felt safer than in those strong arms. And he loves the way his lips push against his own in this drunkening mix between gentle and demanding.

What Zayn loves the most about their fights now is how Liam can induce a sorry out of him only with the tip of his tongue and his strong hands and how it’s so easy to say it, how he means it every single time. How it brings a smile to Liam’s face almost instantly. He also loves the fact that his boyfriend is just as easy, and when Zayn puts his hand on the bare skin of his hips, tickling at the warm skin, Liam goes pliant and does whatever Zayn wants.

So their first week as official boyfriends is pretty damn great, yeah. He loves how the other boys are exhausted already of watching them kiss all the time and of the way they can’t seem to stop touching each other, even if it’s only a small brush of fingers on the other’s neck or a firm hand in the small of his back.

But every night, they part to sleep in their respective bedrooms, never together. And Zayn, he wants to sleep surrounded by Liam’s warmth like they did the weekend before, cuddling in Liam’s room. He wants to wake up to him, to his sleepy eyes and rumpled hair. He is starting to get a bit tired of Liam being all gentlemen-y and leaving him half hard in his trousers after every single ones of their heated kisses.

He guesses that maybe Liam wants to take it slow, thinking about all the insecurities he talked to Zayn about, so he waits. It’s okay, really. He can contain himself and if Liam wants to wait, so does he. He wants to respect Liam’s pace because if it means keeping him close, he’s gonna do whatever the hell Liam wants. He is into it, into him, that deep already.

Zayn’s ready to do anything to please him even though his balls are turning a bit blue and he is so horny he ends up wanking to thoughts of Liam’s mouth and hands pretty much every night.

He just wants to touch Liam’s dick and have Liam touch his own. He wants to go down on his knees for Liam and feel with his mouth if he is just as big on Zayn’s tongue as under his fingers. He wants to know what Liam tastes like lower than his collarbones, wants to see him shirtless and discover the v of his hips with his tongue instead of his fingers. He just wants him, he wants more and he is going a bit crazy with it.

_Driving me a bit insane in case you haven’t notice, yet._

Liam’s words are coming back to him and yeah, he noticed, he is pretty much aware of how Liam feels because fuck, he is feeling just the same.

 

-*-

 

Zayn wakes up on Saturday morning to one lazy finger tracing his eyebrows, the curve of his nose, the line of his cheek bones, the fullness of his lips. He scrunches his nose, trying to push that hand away from his face but he feels a bit more awake when he hears the sound of Liam’s laugh close to his ear.

“Leeyum?” Zayn wonders, opening only one of his eyes, rubbing the sleep away from the other one with a closed fist.

“Morning babe."

Zayn rolls to his side, wrapping his arms around Liam’s middle and intertwining their legs together. He hides a yawn in the fabric of Liam’s shirt and he blinks drowsily at him, looking like he just woke up as well, still soft and warm with his hair a right mess. A cute, adorable mess.

“You guessed the riddle to enter the common room?”

He feels proud of his boyfriend because Niall or Louis never did. Harry is the only one Non-Ravenclaw of his friends able to enter the common room quite easily. Liam’s face flushes red and he tries hiding it into Zayn’s pillow, shaking his head sheepishly. “Not really?”

“How did you get in?”

“Went for Harry, took him out of bed so he could help me...”

Zayn hides his face in Liam’s chest again, trying to hide his laugh but he is shaking a bit too much for Liam not to notice. “Hey, stop laughing. I wanted to surprise you.”

Liam wraps his own arms tighter around Zayn, pulling him a bit closer. There are two very obvious morning woods meeting in the middle of their embrace but for a second, both of them kind of ignore it.

“I thought about being back in bed with you all week.” Liam’s whispered confession sends shivers down his spine.

“You’re the one who wanted to play the gentleman, Liam. I was ready to give away my virtue after the third kiss.”

“Dork,” the word is pushed through a half smile and a kiss against his forehead and Zayn hides his grin in Liam’s shoulder, pushing his own smiley kiss just above the collar of his shirt. He feels Liam’s hand caressing his back through the fabric of his tank top and his lips in his hair. When Liam finally slips a few fingers underneath, brushing them against the small of his back, Zayn wants to push into Liam’s touch but also wants to get closer to him, to roll his hips against Liam’s.

“You’re still warm with sleep,” Liam mumbles into his hair and he sounds more than pleased by it, like he is enjoying the feeling of Zayn’s lukewarm skin under his fingers more than the hard cock he is pushing into Liam’s own boner. His fingers slip just slightly under the waistband of Zayn’s sleeping bottoms and he can’t stay still, can’t help the moan he hides into Liam’s chest.

His own hands grab for Liam’s shirt too and he looks up, meeting the other boy’s eyes and asks him to take it off. Liam does willingly, throwing the shirt God knows where and he kisses Zayn once on the lips before pulling at his shirt too, whispering the words, “you too,” into his mouth.

It’s a whole new world, feeling Liam’s skin against his own and finally having a look at those abs he touched through Liam’s shirt so often. He learns every curve and line of Liam’s torso with the tips of his fingers, tracing bashful little doodles with them on warm tanned skin and he is savoring the goosebumps raising all over Liam’s stomach.

He latches his mouth in the curve between Liam’s shoulder and neck, because that he knows about, he is familiar with those kisses. Leaving marks on Liam’s neck is enough to steady his shaky fingers a bit, to calm down the erratic beat of his heart.

He feels fingers digging in his hips as he sucks a bit harder at Liam’s skin and he hears the tiny little sounds about to escape his plush lips. The fingers are going lower, almost painfully slow until Liam’s hands are on his bum and he is pulling him closer to his body, until both of their cocks are rubbing against each other, finally.

Even through layers of clothes, it feels so good that Zayn can’t help but leave a little bite in the already bruised skin. He is rewarded by Liam’s voice saying his name like nothing ever felt so good before.

He does stop him, though, pushing a few fingers under Zayn’s chin to look into his eyes. He scratches at the thin layer of hair covering Zayn’s skin and drops another kiss to his lips, his other hand steady on the small curve of his arse. “What do you want, Zayn? I don’t want to do anything you’re not okay with.”

“Well for now, I just wanna taste you and touch you. If we end up giving each other orgasms in the process, it’s even better.”

“Fine with me,” Liam speaks those words with a smile in his voice and Zayn feels it against his mouth as he closes the distance to kiss him again. Doing so, he rolls completely onto his back, pulling Zayn on top of him until he is straddling him. Zayn looks down at a bright eyed Liam, hair all over the place and his lips the color of those Watermelon strips from Honeydukes that he loves so much.

“Hi,” Zayn whispers. He is kind of speechless with how beautiful Liam looks right now.

“Hey you. I’ve been told you wanted to touch me?”

There is a cute little smirk on Liam’s face, like he is trying to be confident, to help Zayn feel more comfortable, but in his eyes, Zayn sees he is just as nervous. He laughs a little, can’t help but smile really because he feels so lucky to have Liam like that and he leans down and starts kissing at his chest.

He feels Liam’s heart under his lips, feels how hard it’s beating and he knows his own is just as loud right now, can hear it ringing in his ears. He feels Liam’s fingers in his hair, scratching at his scalp softly and pulling on the strands just hard enough for Zayn’s eyes to fall shut with how good it feels. He leaves kisses and love bites on Liam’s chest, tracing the definition of his abs with the tip of his tongue, trailing open mouthed kisses upon the V of his well defined hips.

He feels how hard Liam is and he hears all the moans and whimpers that escape his parted lips. He kisses his way up, leaving a soft peck on the purple mark on Liam’s throat before kissing his lips again. He feels a few fingers tickling his stomach, scratching at the dark hair leading into his pants but it’s quick, and he forgets about the feeling of them on his stomach as they finally wrap around his cock, Liam cupping him through his clothes. He can feel how wet he is at the head, sticking to the fabric, how worked up he is already just by kissing Liam and when the other boy feels it too. The kiss turns sloppier, dirtier and there are bitten lips and tongues dancing together.

Liam’s hand is quick to slip under his pants, his other one pushing them past his bum and he can’t continue to kiss Liam when the feel of his hand wrapping around his cock suddenly takes his breathe away. He pushes his face in the curve of Liam’s shoulder.

“Liam.”

“Is this okay?”

“Fuck, yes, _don’t stop_.”

But Liam does, to Zayn’s despair. He is pushed against the bed, his trousers and pants pulled from his legs quickly. Liam removes his own one too before falling back onto the bed and pulling Zayn on top of him again, their mouths quickly finding each other like that is the only place they’re meant to be. All of this is done quickly enough so Zayn doesn’t have any time to complain and whine about it and his brain just goes blank when both of their cocks start rubbing together between them.

He starts grinding against Liam the moment he feels it, his body taking control over his mind and he just enjoys all the amazing things making his blood fizzy like champagne in his veins. Liam’s hands are everywhere, from the curve of his bum, down his thighs, cradling his narrow hips and following the erratic rhythm of his hips. Liam cranes his neck sometimes to catch Zayn’s lips between his own, sucking at them and drinking the few moans that he just can’t keep inside of him.

Liam’s hips are moving too, meeting every single one of Zayn’s thrusts and he can feel the skin of his stomach and chest getting a bit damp with sweat under his palms. He can feel how the muscles of his belly are getting tighter the harder Zayn’s grinds on him. A few strands of hair are sticking to his forehead again, curling in such a cute way, his lips not the colour of watermelon anymore but a deeper red, like black cherries. His eyes are shining too and Zayn almost feels blinded by how bright they are, even in the dim morning light.

One of Liam’s hands sneaks between them then, his eyes meeting Zayn’s and asking a silent question. “ _Please_ ,” is all Zayn can answer before he feels Liam’s hand grabbing them both together in his huge palm. His hips stutter against Liam’s when his fingers squeeze harder around their lengths.  He can feel one of their cocks twitching because of it and he’s not sure if it’s him or Liam or just both of them at the same time.

Zayn has trouble holding up above Liam. All he wants is to fall on Liam’s chest and forget himself in all those incredible things he feels because of Liam, in how hard and strong he feels beneath him, how he can feel the veins on Liam’s cock now that they are so closely surrounded by Liam’s strong grip.

It’s like music to his ear, the pants leaving Liam’s ruddy lips, the addictive beat of his crazy heart under Zayn’s palms, the boom, boom of his own banging and trying to harmonize with Liam’s. It’s more beautiful than his favorite poem, how soft Liam’s skin feels under his fingers and how wet both of them are, leaking pre come all over Liam’s fingers and on both of their aching lengths.

He feels drops of sweat rolling down his back and his fringe is now sticking to his forehead. His thighs are getting weaker and he can feel them trembling even harder when Liam’s free fingers bite into his flesh almost painfully.

On top of all the lust he feels, of it being shot through his body straight from his heart, mixing in his blood and making him dizzy with want, he feels so much love in that moment.

Looking down at Liam, he almost chokes on it, on that feeling he wanted to ignore for so long but now, it’s everywhere. It’s in the crinkles on the sides of Liam’s eyes when he smiles, in his cute little button nose scrunching up as his bushy brows are set into a hard frown with the way he tries to hold back his orgasm a bit longer. It’s in his hair, a right mess from Zayn’s fingers and the sweat matting his forehead, in the beauty marks all over his face, in the roughness of the scruff on his cheeks and in the fullness of his lips. On that birthmark shaped like a heart in the hollow of his throat.

But it’s also in the size of Liam’s heart and how he is the most vulnerable boy Zayn has ever seen while at the same time, he never felt safer than in those strong, muscular arms. It’s in all those marvellous contradictions that is Liam Payne that Zayn finally finds love on a cold Saturday morning.

And it’s ridiculous really, how that realisation hits him seconds before his orgasm does but that is what happens. As his heart grows four times bigger in his chest, his vision goes white and blurry around the edge and he is coming on Liam’s fingers, shooting a bit on his stomach and chest too.  

He tries to hold himself up, but he feels so weak, like his limbs are made of jelly and there is a dopey smile on his face, he knows it. He closes his own fingers on top of Liam’s one, sticky with Zayn’s come, and it takes only a few jerks of both of their hands around Liam to have him shoot his own release too, shaking under Zayn and arching his back.

When he comes back from his high, Liam falls back against the bed like all of the bones of his body have gone liquid. His chest is heaving fast with the quick pace of his breathing and on his handsome face, flushed red from his orgasm, there is also a blinding smile matching Zayn’s.

It’s gross between them, sticky with come and sweat and there is a strong smell of sex floating in the room, but Zayn never felt so good in his life. Liam grabs his wand from God knows where and he mumbles something that Zayn can’t hear because there is still that ringing noise in his ears, that numbness making his legs and arms feel too heavy to move a single finger or toe.

He feels a bit cleaner suddenly, the sticky feeling between them is gone but that contentment buzzing all over his skin is still there and he thinks it’s going to be there for days. He feels the words vibrate through Liam’s chest more than he hears them, “I think you killed me.”

It takes all of the strength in Zayn’s body to look up at him and gives him a bright warm smile. “You think so?”

“Yeah. And since you’re here it means I’m in heaven now, right?”

“You’re such a sap,” Zayn says and he hopes his blush is hidden under the post sex flush of his skin but he can’t stop smiling and that, he can’t really hide, doesn’t want to hide it from Liam when the way he smiles back makes butterflies soar in his stomach.

They stay like that in silence for quite a while. Liam’s fingers caress Zayn’s back where he is still laying on top of him, like a starfish holding onto a rock. When Liam starts playing with his hair, it’s a matter of seconds before Zayn falls back asleep, smiling.

 

-*-

 

It’s almost noon when Zayn wakes up again and Liam’s still asleep beside him, still naked. Zayn looks at the tiny red marks all over Liam’s chest, the tiny red marks he made a few hours ago. There is a huge one, next to his birthmark and Zayn feels a shiver run down his spine remembering the way Liam said his name when he sucked that one against the skin of his throat. He can’t help but press a finger to it and he feels Liam squirming next to him, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He looks completely lost, looking all around him, looking confused until his eyes finally take in Zayn laying next to him. Zayn can’t help but smile again, maybe bigger than before because seriously? Why does Liam look so cute when he wakes up? Zayn wants to wake up next to him until the end of forever, that’s decided.

“What a nice view to wake up too,” Liam tells him before rolling on his side and cuddling him closer, if such a thing is possible.

“I was thinking exactly the same thing.”

“Could wake up to this every day.”

Zayn pokes him in the ribs, making Liam giggle a little bit and smile that smile where his eyes turn into little moon crescents, his round cheeks going high. “Stop! It tickles,” Liam says in a whisper.

“Well stop reading my mind, Payne. I was the one just thinking I could wake up to this every morning.”

Liam rolls them over quickly, pushing Zayn on his back and climbing on top of him, the sheets getting lower and exposing their naked skin to the cold air of the dorm. They both shiver because of it but it can also be the way their cocks are aligned together again, just like they were earlier, vivid memories blowing up into Zayn’s mind.

“Yeah?” Liam wonders, looking down at Zayn through his curly fringe, biting his lips. Zayn lifts up a hand to cup his cheek, smiling when Liam quickly leans into his touch. “Of course Liam. I’m here, yeah? I’m not going anywhere.”

Liam leans down to press his lips to Zayn’s then, his mouth tasting a bit sour with sleep but neither of them seem to care because the taste of them is still there and they are both craving it so bad even though it’s only been a few hours since they kissed. Liam’s hands are holding Zayn’s face like it’s something precious, rubbing his thumbs against his cheekbones and the scruff on his chin.

When they part, Zayn opens his eyes and gives Liam a bright smile, a real genuine one, the kind of smile where you just can’t help yourself. He can feel Liam’s tongue pushing against the back of his teeth and also a warm blush creeping on his cheeks, because it feels so good when Liam looks at him like he is right now.

Liam runs the pad of his thumb softly against Zayn’s bottom lip. “I remember that smile.”

Zayn keeps smiling but gives Liam just a tiny little frown, like a silent question, asking what the other boy is talking about. Liam just gets closer to him again and Zayn can feel his warm breath fanning across his already too warm cheeks. “I fell in love with it.”

Zayn feels his cheeks getting warmer with Liam’s words and with the way he looks at him too. He bites on his bottom lip, knowing that he needs to say something, to say it back, because it’s in him, he loves him too. So he presses his lips against Liam’s another time, whispering against his mouth that he loves him too.

 

-*-

 

**Epilogue**

_15 years later, Charms Class._

 

Zayn is sitting at his desk, playing with the beautiful purple quill Liam gave him for his birthday last year. He can’t help but run his fingers against the soft feather, enjoying the different shades of pink and purple and the way it almost shimmers under the flames of the few candles on his desk. His students are in the middle of an exam and he can’t do much but sit here and wait for them to be done.

He has a job as a teacher at Hogwarts, just like he wanted to. Almost a year after graduating, their Charms teacher was retiring and she asked for Zayn to replace her. It took only about five or six years for him to be nominated as the Head of the Ravenclaw house, the boys throwing him a huge party to congratulate him and Liam giving him a huge bouquet of brightly coloured flowers that Harry helped him with.

Because yeah, Liam and him are still together after all those years. They’re going to celebrate their fifteenth anniversary this week and there is a beautiful gold ring hidden in one of Zayn’s drawers at home waiting for Liam. “Took you long enough, Malik.” Louis told him a month ago when he helped him pick the ring.

Zayn wanted to marry Liam right after graduation, but they were still young and Zayn was scared of what could happen to them, so he kept that dream for himself. Then Liam got recruited by the English Quidditch team and traveled the world for years, even won the World Cup before finally retiring. He wanted to spend more time with Zayn, wanted to settle down and be with him all the time.  He was tired of seeing him only a few months a year between his trips all over the globe to play against other countries.

Zayn followed him on a few trips during the Christmas or summer holidays. Went to Canada, Africa, South America, loads of beautiful memories shared with his husband to be and loads of pictures hidden in several photo albums under their bed at home.

But for almost five years now, Liam has been done with Quidditch. Well, not really, he is done with playing it professionally because Liam Payne will never be completely done with that sport. He came back to Hogwarts to teach it to the students and also to be a referee for the games between the different houses over the school year. “And to be closer to you,” Liam whispered to him in the dark of their bedroom when he told him about it.

Zayn remembers the students’ faces on his first day, all of them huge fans of his wonderful boyfriend. Even teachers were giving him heart eyes in the hallways, talking to him about some famous games he played, almost every conversations ending with his last game and how he helped England winning the World Cup.

He never gets tired of watching the smile on Liam’s face when he talks about his years on the team, or when little first years get brave enough to tell him how much they love him and how great of a player he is, how he is their favorite teacher too. He also never gets tired of seeing Liam every day, and to go back to bed with him every night.

There is a sharp knock on his classroom’s door and he gives one look at his students, seeing that all of their quills are still moving frantically, every one of them still concentrated on their exams. “I’ll be back in a few,” he tells them and he gets a few nods in return.

He opens the door to see Liam on the other side of it, hands in his pocket and a big, warm smile on his face, pushing at his round cheeks because some things never change. Zayn smiles back to him before closing the door behind him, raising a questioning eyebrow but smiling anyway because he can’t help it. “I’m busy Liam, they’re having an exam.”

“Oh, I will be quick.”

And he pulls at Zayn’s tie, bringing him closer to him and he is quick to wrap his arms around Zayn’s waist when he stumbles the few steps separating them. There is a little dark corner next to Zayn’s classroom, a door leading to a broom closet that is deep enough in the wall that they can hide and kiss whenever they want. And they want it quite often because it’s not the first time Liam is disturbing Zayn from his Wednesday class.

It’s ridiculous how easily their lips find each other and how natural it feels to kiss Liam. It’s like coming back home after a long trip in a foreign country, it’s like slipping in his favorite jumper after a long day of work or just jumping in a hot shower after a long walk in the cold autumn rain. It’s comforting in the best way and it tastes like _forever_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank's to Avery, Jarka, Claudie, Vanessa, Catherine for helping me with this one :)


End file.
